Sunflowers 'N Daisies~~ Finding My Inner Athlete

2012-01-17T07:07:00.000-06:00

New blog address:
www.findinmyinnerathlete.blogspot.com

Wednesday

2012-01-04T18:28:00.001-06:00

http://findinmyinnerathlete.blogspot.com/2012/01/wednesday.html

Tuesday Eats

2012-01-03T18:03:00.004-06:00

http://findinmyinnerathlete.blogspot.com/2012/01/tuesday-eats.html

2012 goals

2012-01-03T12:41:00.001-06:00

http://findinmyinnerathlete.blogspot.com/2012/01/2012-goals.html

Monday

2012-01-02T18:16:00.003-06:00

New Blog entry-- http://findinmyinnerathlete.blogspot.com/2012/01/i-had-appointment-to-get-my-side-mirror.html

Small Resolutions

2012-01-02T15:21:00.001-06:00

http://findinmyinnerathlete.blogspot.com/2012/01/taken-from-httpwww.html

New Year~~ New Blog post on Findinmyinnerathlete

2012-01-01T20:23:00.001-06:00

I posted a new blog entry on my new blog....
http://findinmyinnerathlete.blogspot.com/2012/01/new-year-new-blog.html

2012-01-01T07:00:00.000-06:00

New Year- New blog~~
I've been throwing around starting a different blog, one with a more "health/fitness" status. I wasn't sure I wanted to use Wordpress or Blogger, but decided to stick with Blogger. I just wasn't able to transfer my old blog posts. But, with this being a "New Year-New blog," it's out with the old, and in with the new fresh start! I know I don't have a lot of subscriber's, but if you do happen to subscribe to me, please follow my other blog!
www.findinmyinnerathlete.blogspot.com

Food Diary

2011-12-31T10:05:00.002-06:00

Well, this is my first attempt at taking pictures of everything I ate today. I didn't get my dinner photographed, so Google images will have to suffice. I am so unbelievably tired right now. It took me quite awhile to fall asleep last night, and then I woke up really early. I was excited that the Fitbit I ordered, got here today, and after a couple hours of fooling with it, I finally got it to work. Now hopefully I can figure out all the ins and outs of it and "syncing" it. It was an $100 investment for me, so I really hope that it'll be worth it! It tracks activity, sleep, stairs, blood pressure, glucose (I think), and I think you can have it track other things too.

Breakfast pre-workout Post workout (60 min spinning class)

Lunch- TJ's Lentil soup, clementines, and Fage yogurt

Vitamuffin banana nut for dessert

Snack-- I didn't get a picture taken of it, but I had coffee and a Luna Coconut chocolate bar-- definitely need to work on having less caffeine...

Dinner- TJ Quinoa with mixed veggies

Broccoli and cauliflower with TJ hummus

more mixed fruit from Whole Foods

Another Vitamuffin for dessert

After dinner snack...

Keep On Keeping On

2011-12-29T09:58:00.001-06:00

This would be what a really big bird (of all things) can do to a car when the bird (hawk/vulture?) is too concerned with the roadkill on the road, and gets a low take off... (My car was just paid off in November, so it's bit disheartening to see this!) I had somewhat of an adventuresome drive-- with almost hitting a flattened cardboard box blowing out of the pickup in front of me, and hitting a big tumbleweed, even before I hit the bird!

I'm going to come out of my Christmas break by the skin of my teeth I believe, with the abuse I've been doing to my body. I have been eating absolutely horribly the last 2 weeks (well, the last several weeks/months have not been entirely good either), and it will be another 2 days before I'm able to get back to somewhat normalcy. I haven't been able to exercise the last 3 days due to traveling, and it's absolutely killing me that I'm not able to--- which seems kind of funny to me. I think maybe in the past, I wouldn't have really cared. My motivation has been lacking lately, and I've made the choice not to work out. Now when I'm not able to work out and I actually want to, seems a bit funny. With the stress of the holidays, I've been eating like a bottomless pit (and not entirely healthy), so that's part of the reason why I know not working out is so not good for me right now. I haven't been able to choose as much of what I eat with traveling, and not having the choices I normally have with food has been taxing on me.

I really would like to start taking pictures of what I eat, to be more accountable, but I suppose I'm a bit self-conscious about letting other people see that I'm taking a picture of what I'm eating. I ordered a Fit Bit , which I'm really excited about-- it will help with tracking calories, weight, and exercising. Hopefully, it doesn't become just another "fad" for me, and not get used.

I've never been really good at setting and attaining goals, partially b/c I've always struggled with having consistency in my life. I used to make New Years resolutions, but stopped a couple of years ago. They were always broken within a couple of weeks. I know that I need to be more specific than just "lose weight," in my goal, but at this point that's all that I can really think of. I want to be able to run another 5K, and also have balance/moderation in my eating. I guess I'm still working out the specifics.

2011-12-25T08:11:00.002-06:00

I Can See More Clearly (When I have Coffee in Me)

2011-12-21T08:00:00.000-06:00

My 2 cats Addie and Sadie have a bit of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde personality. There are times that they can be especially sweet (well, when they want to sit on my lap and I want them to sit on my lap.), and then there are times where my thoughts are You are going to be the death of me! (Like when they are meowing and pawing at my door an hour before I have to get up in the morning, or chewing on my laptop cord). I keep my my wireless cords in my bedroom, b/c both of my cats have a habit of chewing on cords, especially when they are hungry or not getting enough attention (Yes, they're like dogs.). Hence the reason they paw at my door. Sadie will meow, b/c she wants attention (she's not the food-a-holic). When Addie starts meowing, it's b/c she wants to be fed. Sadie must have been feeling neglected, b/c she meowed at my door when I went to bed, woke me up at 1 a.m., meowing at my door, and then this morning about an hour and a half before I had to get up, she was meowing again!. I'm seriously thinking of investing in an automatic feeder (the electric kind-- the other kind they would go nuts over and make themselves sick b/c of eating too much!).

All I can say is, Thank Goodness for Coffee!! My morning routine has gotten pretty much set where, I wait till I drink my coffee until I get to school. Since it got cold, it's hard to drink coffee when you're wearing gloves! But it also means I have a 10 minute drive where I'm a bit "foggy." I really wish coffee didn't make feel that much better after I drank it, b/c it means that my body needs it. Today is going to be an extremely hard day, temptation wise, b/c it is the last day before Christmas break-- there is going to be tons of food around-- I've been actually pretty lucky that I've missed out on all the treats up till now-- I guess the advantage of being at 2 buildings, and not being in the right place at the right time!

I was not feeling too motivated to work out last night, but I persisted and went-- 15 min on the treadmill, 15 min on the stairmaster, and 15 min on the stationary bike. I hope to work on running during the break, b/c I so want to get back to doing it. I ran for 5 min at 4.5, and then walked the last 5 minutes. During the break, I'll have a week where I won't have access to a gym. So, hello cold weather walking! Hopefully it won't be too cold (or snowy) to not get out.

What Makes a Successful Athlete

2011-12-19T07:40:00.001-06:00

What Make a Successful Athlete/Fitness Enthusiast-- via TriMarni's blog:

What makes for a successful athlete or fitness enthusiast? In a few sentences, here's my list.....
-A diet balanced in quality protein, whole (unprocessed) grains, healthy fats and a rich amount of fibrous fruits and veggies.
-Water as primary fluid choice
-Healthy relationship with food
-Emphasizing whole foods as the bulk of the diet, prioritizing fruits/veggies as the foundation and focusing on the individual strengths/weaknesses in your diet to meet your individual goals
-Not having rules in your life but being OK with change
-Strength training 2-3 times per week, specific to sport, stability and muscle imbalances
-Quality approach to training
-Massage, visualization, compression and anything else that encourages proper recovery from exercise
-Consistency and enjoyment for diet and training
-Proper sleep on most nights of the week
-Stress management
-Surrounding yourself with people who give you energy, not take it away from you

This list is something that I really need to keep as a reminder for me. I think the biggest roadblock for me is the Healthy relationship with food. I know I don't have a good relationship with food, or with my body, and it's something that is a constant battle for me.

My 4 1/2 yr old (almost 5) nephew's Sunday School Christmas program was last night. He was a sheep-- so cute! There were Christmas cookies afterwords (of course-- you wouldn't have a Christmas program without Christmas cookies!), and despite not eating dinner before (I had to leave at 5:30 to make the program), I had 2 small cookies (so not too bad)- and had a decent dinner when I got home.

I just have to make it through today, Tuesday, and Wednesday, and then CHRISTMAS BREAK!!

How Do You Break the Cycle???

2011-12-17T21:38:00.001-06:00

I started keeping a journal fairly consistently when I was a Junior in High School. The last 4-5 years, with blogging, the entries have been more sporadic, with sometimes 6-9 mths between them. Having these journals, I can look back at about 15 years worth of thoughts. In those 15 years, the same struggles were consistent throughout-- my self-esteem, food/my weight, my job (--once I graduated from college, though in college it was the struggle with the major that I was pursuing, and am now making a living in!), my faith, my finances, my 'singleness.' Though maturity has lessened some of the degrees of how deep the wounds were/are, they are still there. The same emotions (the not-so-good-ones), struggles, problems, temptations I had when I was 22, I still have when I'm 32, ten years later. So, how does a person change? How do you break the cycle? I know you have to just take one step forward, make your next choice the right one, start over, forget the past, et. al. I went through 2 1/2 year of Christian Counseling, and though it did help me see some things about myself, the same habits continued, or were suppressed for a short time. The saying is true that Actions Speak Louder Than Words. And I seem to be very good at writing down words. Following through with them is another thing. I want to be the person that truly "rises above," and for a short time I do. The success always seems to be short-lived. But, old habits creep back up. They are old habits that just never seem to die. It's the cycle that just keeps going on and on and on. The cycle that I keep hoping will someday be broken. Is hope enough? I don't know.

I've mentioned before that I want God to be enough in my life, but I'm just selfish enough, that He isn't for me. I have idols that keep me isolated from Him. I can't imagine having a drug or alcohol problem- having emotional issues is enough of a struggle for me. I know you can't be perfect, but I think you can be content, or at least have joy. I have to make the choice to have either of those.

Ok, so deep thoughts. Don't really no where to go from here, as far as segwaying (spelling?) to a different topic.

I Can't Blame It On the Dryer

2011-12-15T07:33:00.001-06:00

I can't blame it on my dryer. The pants that I wear are a bit "snug." At school, I participated in a water wellness challenge to drink more water, and as a result, was able to wear "comfy" clothes to school. The pants that I'm wearing, a few months ago, were practically hanging on me, and could hardly stay up. They now are a bit snug (though not tight) in the thighs.

I worked out after school yesterday- 30 min elliptical, 15 min on the stationary bike. Today I'm not sure if I'll get any exercise in or not. I chose to sleep in, knowing that I have my nephew's Christmas program at 7:15, with a meeting that'll last till 5, and then a probably 30 min drive home to change clothes for the program.

So can't wait for the weekend.

5 AM Workout

2011-12-13T07:56:00.000-06:00

I've known for awhile that I need to get back to working out early in the morning, rather than wait until after school. It seems to happen almost every year for me, that once the cold hits, I have such a hard time getting out of bed in the morning! It doesn't help that I don't have a garage, so if there's frost, I have to take the time to scrape my windshield. But excuses, excuses. I'm very good at making them.

Tina from Best Body Fitness posted a very honest blog post on binge eating, that really hit home to me. I said before that I didn't want to post, if I couldn't say anything nice at all. I've been struggling immensely with wanting to eat everything in sight, out of stress, depression, loneliness, or whatever other feelings are mixed in there. I had a training session on Sunday, and told her I didn't want to know my weight, so I didn't look. She told me "I didn't want to know," which I know can't mean anything good. At some point I have to get to a place where I want to get back on track. It's like I've been in a "funk" that I can't get out of. And I just keep sinking lower and lower, and lower until, just like I've done in the past, I've gained the weight back that I worked so hard to lose. I haven't done that, yet.... but it's quite a bit of a slippery slope for me, that I'm borderline. I actually took yesterday off of exercising, partially b/c my back was sore from my workout on Sunday with my trainer, and partially b/c I just didn't want to. Excuses, Excuses.

Well, today I finally got my hiney out of bed and exercised at 5 a.m.!! It helped that it was high 30's and no frost on the window.... I did the elliptical for 30 minutes and the stationary bike for 30 minutes. I was extremely stiff and sore (especially after taking yesterday off), but I think that I got a halfway decent workout in.

I really need to work on saying NO today, with eating just to eat.

So, on to the rest of the day...

This and That

2011-12-11T16:42:00.001-06:00

Great blog post:
http://www.sweetlifeericka.com/2011/12/7-steps-to-fitfluentially-balanced-life.html#idc-container

----------------------

Found this via Pinterest:

Bible Verses for running a marathon--

Mile 1: Be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of age. Matthew 28:20
Mile 2: The Lord will work out his plans for my life. Psalm 138:8
Mile 3: I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as the mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and it would move. Nothing would be impossible. Matthew 17:20
Mile 4: To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given. Luke 19:26
Mile 5: I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13
Mile 6: Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we can not see. Hebrews 11:1
Mile 7: ‘I know the plans I have for you,’ says the Lord. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope.’ Jeremiah 29:11
Mile 8: Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity. I Timothy 4:12
Mile 9: We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28
Mile 10: Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. Hebrews 12:1
Mile 11: Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you. Psalm 37:5
Mile 12: With God’s help we will do mighty things. Psalm 60:12
Mile 13: We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. Romans 5:3
Mile 14: We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:9
Mile 15: The Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you. 2 Thessalonians 3:3
Mile 16: Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Mile 17: It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God. 2 Corinthians 3:5
Mile 18: Be strong and courageous, for your work will be rewarded. Chronicles 15:7
Mile 19: Whatever you do, do well. Ecclesiastes 9:10
Mile 20: He will order his angels to protect you wherever you go. Psalm 91:11
Mile 21: Anything is possible if a person believes. Mark 9:23
Mile 22: The amount you give will determine the amount you get back. Luke 6:38
Mile 23: I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize… Philippians 3:13
Mile 24: Our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 2 Corinthians 4:17
Mile 25: I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.
Mile 26: Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3
Mile 26.2: But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

2011-12-08T07:35:00.001-06:00

Please forgive me for the lack of posts lately. I guess I'm going by the mantra, If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. My motivation has been lacking severely, and I've been struggling a lot in a lot of aspects of my life, not just the weight loss/fitness area. I went to 2 (or maybe 3, I can't quite remember!) sessions with a Christian Counselor, but I haven't been to any after that. I'm to the point that talking about my problems isn't going to make them any better. I have to be the one to change my circumstances. I guess the one good thing that came about from the counseling sessions, is that I know what type of job I want to have besides teaching-- an Executive/Administrative Assistant-type job. I've never done anything like it before, but I think it highlights the skills that I have. The salary is the only thing that could be a factor, b/c it would have to be about the same as what I'm making with teaching with a Master's. But I can't really do anything about it at the moment-- June is a long way off, so I just have to make it through until then.
With the cold weather now pretty permanent for awhile, my exercising has changed to evenings(can't seem to get my behind out of bed in the morning), rather than mornings, and it has made it very hard to have motivation for a good workout. I've still been getting some in, but with the emotional eating I've been doing, it's not going to help a whole lot with trying to lose weight. Monday I did swimming with the kick board, water weights, and treading water for 55 minutes, Tuesday I did the treadmill for 30 min, elliptical for 15, and the stationary bike for 15 (I think-- that may not be totally accurate), and then last night I did the treadmill for 15 min and the stationary bike for 15 minutes.

7-5-05
Caught in a reverie of illusionary thoughts,
With only few moments of true reality.
Wanting to live in a dream of dreams,
Rather than the present world of drear.
The dream that is there—
Feels so much better to live in,
Than what is in existence.
It’s those perfect chances
With no mistakes,
And absolute desires granted.
It’s those fantasy-lands of whimsical ideals
With tender hearted romances.
Caught in the middle
Of this seamless delusion—
While standing still
In this frozen state of mind.
It’s a wreck of the present.
It’s a myth inside the head—
With a fairytale beginning and ending
That is ultimately complete.
Such is the imagination of this timely sort,
A vicious tool of the mind—
So freely used,
So freely earned.
But careful with it be.

3-8-05
These demons have a hold on me—
Tempting me in my weakest state.
My strength has all but diminished—
And soon to be broken down.
What little will I almost had,
Has disappeared beyond a doubt.
This broken state I feel I’m in
Pulls me deeper to my knees.
My emotions rage—
Spin me upwards and within.
I cannot get control of them—
Because this Devil has me in his grasp.
I am his biggest win.
I gave in to his command.
Everything is a crashing course
With a fatal ending story.
The help I need is all too close,
But my pride refuses to give in.
So this destruction continues growing,
Getting deeper with each breath.
My control of myself needs to be given up
To that Someone I know who would help.
If only my stubbornness would not hold me back,
To let Him take control.

2011-12-04T07:14:00.001-06:00

Dear Holiday Season-- please be over soon. Sincerely, My Self-- And My Sanity

2011-11-29T08:22:00.001-06:00

My nephew Dylan and I


Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister-in-law, nephew, and I

Family photo

My parents and my nephew with my parent's pasture land as background

2011-11-28T07:26:00.001-06:00

Yes I would like another day at home being a bum-- #sippncoffeeonthecouchwatchntv

Happy Monday!

2011-11-27T10:22:00.001-06:00

"Just Cry"

Why you gotta act so strong?
Go ahead and take off your brave face
Why you telling me that nothing's wrong
It's obvious your not in a good place
Who's telling you to keep it all inside
And never let those feelings
Get past the corner of your eye

You don't need to run
You don't need to speak
Baby take some time
Let those prayers roll down your cheek
It maybe tomorrow
You'll be past the sorrow
But tonight it's alright
Just cry

I know you know your Sunday songs
A dozen verses by memory
Yeah they're good but life is hard
And days get long
You gotta know God can handle your honesty
So feel the things your feeling
Name your fears and doubts
Don't stuff your shame and sadness, loneliness and anger
Let it out, let it out

You don't need to run
You don't need to speak
Baby take some time
Let those prayers roll down your cheek
It maybe tomorrow
You'll be past the sorrow
But tonight it's alright

Just cry
Just cry

It doesn't mean you don't trust him
It doesn't mean you don't believe
It doesn't mean you don't know
He's redeeming everything.

You don't need to run
You don't need to speak
Baby take some time
Let those prayers roll down your cheek
It maybe tomorrow
You'll be past the sorrow
But tonight it's alright
But tonight it's alright

Just cry

Why you gotta act so strong
Go ahead and take off your brave face

I Tried to Suck It Up, But It Didn't Quite Work Out

2011-11-22T07:14:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was a short day for me-- I taught in the morning, and then had taken the afternoon off for a dentist appt. After my appt, I went to the chiropractor and then it was off to the gym. I had a pretty good workout, with 40 min on the elliptical and 20 min on the treadmill. While I was working out, I decided that I wanted to start my Christmas shopping (which very rarely happens this early), since I had the time. So, I went over to the SuperTarget and got a good chunk of it done. I only have my mom and dad, and part of my brother left of my family left. Still have to buy for a couple of friend though. I had promised a group of my students that if they did a good job of working, that I would get them a "surprise" treat (they've been working really hard.), so I got them cupcakes (which I ended up letting them get smushed this morning, so they will be using a plate and fork while eating them today.... LOL). Sunday I worked through a temptation of going and getting something from the bakery (after giving in to it on Saturday). Weeeell, my hard work at the gym basically went out the window, b/c I picked up a 6 oz piece of the chocolate cake, and a Diet Coke to go with it. *sigh*

When I got home, that evening I read some really good blog entries from Lisa Eirene on 110 Pounds and Counting, and one in particular on How to Exercise Regularly. It really motivated me to want to stick with it, and especially to just "suck it up," and get out of bed at 5 a.m. to workout.--- On a side note, I ordered 2 swimsuits from Swim Outlet, and am excited to be able to have a new suit. The one that I'm using now is several years old.--- Well, due to the fact I've been trying to drink more water (and I drank quite a bit when I worked out) and I had had a bottle of Diet Coke later in the day, when I went to bed last night I had to get up to go to the bathroom like every half hour for quite awhile. I was actually awake shortly before 5 (to go to the bathroom of course), but I knew that I couldn't hack it at the gym. SO, I reset my alarm, and slept another hour.

So, it's after school I go today. I've been a bit afraid to do any weights/strength training for fear of doing something to my back. I need to try and see how I do with them.

How Do You Fight Through It??

2011-11-18T07:15:00.001-06:00

My post yesterday, I talked about not wanting to be another statistic of gaining weight during the holidays. I know that I need to be a fighter, and stick with it--

This verse came to mind--
I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing. 2 Tim 4:7-8

Last night as I was getting ready to pack my lunch for school today, my thoughts were not the greatest-- I am so tired of thinking about food. I don't want food to be what I think about all the time, and to let it determine if I have a good day or a bad day. I wish food didn't have to be so important.

I'm tired of fighting through it.

He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Is: 40: 29-31

I've been trying to shop at Trader Joes and Whole Foods minimally, to save financially, but it's been a bit hard. I've gone two weeks without shopping there, and then shopping at Super Target in between. It's the produce that gets me. I usually can only buy it for a week, and then I run out. But I spent $50-$60 at just the Target alone (it wasn't all groceries though), and then a trip to another store where I bought some odds and ends for another $50 last weekend and then Tuesday. I need to go this weekend, but with getting new tires put on my car, more chiropractic visits, upcoming Christmas shopping, paying my last $200 off my credit card, can I justify going again? (I was just there 2 weeks ago.) I know that I go way overboard on shopping for food-- the smart thing to do would be to budget out what I'm going to eat, but I tend to not be that 'smart.' (I've always said I'm a Type-A-Wanna-B!) What I buy at the stores, are things that don't require much cooking (usually things that are frozen that you can warm up in the microwave- or that are fresh that you can just eat without doing anything to it), and the majority of the time, they are more expensive.

I would be rather embarrassed if I actually posted (or took pictures) what I eat every day. In all honesty, even though it isn't all junk food, the choices aren't the smartest. I leave out meat/protein a lot, and that is probably the reason why I get so hungry. It seems I just can't get full. (I had that problem last night. I didn't eat 'junk,' but I ate more than I should to lose weight.) I struggle with the whole balance/moderation thing. I can't seem to get enough of doughnuts, cake, and pastries.

There are a lot of times I feel like this: (running the up-hill battle)

So how do you fight through it? How do you keep going and not give up? I know it's take one day at a time, make your next choice a smart one-- I know all the sayings-- it's just a matter of doing it. I seem to say it's a work in progress a lot, but sooner or later I think it should be somewhat of a downhill run where you can coast a bit? Maybe not...

And he said, My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest. Ex 33:14

Any thoughts???? How do you keep going, keep fighting??

I Don't Want to Be Another Statistic

2011-11-17T07:08:00.001-06:00

I don't remember what sit-com it is, but one of the character's (maybe it's Joey from Friends??), says a statistic, and the other character asks him, "Did you just make that up?" And he says, "Yep."
I know there's probably a statistic out there, but here's my attempt at not making it up-- (and being an Elementary teacher who teaches algebra... ) ---->

X% of people gain weight during the holidays.

I really don't want to be one of those people/statistics! I have just as much of a chance of gaining weight when it's not the holidays, so when the "Food Days" begin, it makes it even harder to stay sane.

Yesterday was para-appreciation day at one of my schools, and we were supposed to all bring something to eat for lunch. I actually did relatively well with eating healthy and moderation, but it was partly due to being so busy. I had a lot to get done, and didn't really have time to think about getting something. But even though I did eat in moderation, I still got hungry mid-afternoon, so I went for my Stonyfield yogurt. Later on, I had an apple that I brought. When I got home I was starving, so I had TJ vegetable fried rice with salmon, squash, grapes, and a pumpkin-spice Vita-Muffin. I went to the gym afterwords and did the elliptical for 30 min and the stationary bike for 15. I have to say, I'm on a 'lack of motivation' track with my exercise, and it does worry me a bit. My back was really sore while I was exercising, and I really wanted to skip going. But I know that I have to keep at it. I do like to swim, but I know that I need variance in the exercising that I do. After I got through exercising at 7, I was still hungry, so I had a small bag of kettle corn popcorn. Then at 8 I needed something else, so I had a bowl of TJ cherrio's and almond milk! I'm not sure why I was so hungry, b/c I thought that I had had a decent nutriented meal for dinner.

I had mentioned doing a Zumba class the other night, but with the errands I had to do for yesterday, I ended up just walking outside. I go back and forth with trying a new class, but I can't decide (and I'm a bit chicken). I'm supposed to have a training session with my trainer on Saturday, but I really want to cancel it-- with my back issues, and not exercising as much, I know the scale is not going to be pretty.

Hard to believe next week is Thanksgiving! My parent's are coming up to my brother and SIL's, so I don't have to travel. Yay for that!

What are your Thanksgiving plans? How do you vary your exercise so you don't lose your motivation?

2011-11-15T20:26:00.001-06:00

90/10, 80/20/ 70/30

2011-11-15T07:04:00.001-06:00

I've had these numbers floating around in my head for awhile. I just haven't taken the time to do anything with them. Lately, I've been hearing a lot about how our diet (what we eat), is more important than the exercise-- Maybe "important" isn't quite the right word. Mainly, to lose weight, it's more about what we eat, than what we do. You can exercise till the cows come home, but if you're eating more than you can burn, all the exercise in the world isn't going to help you lose weight. I think once you get to maintenance, it becomes even more apparent that what you eat matters.
I've been struggling with a back issue for weeks now-- I have no idea what I did, but I'm beginning an informal investigation with Diet pop being the culprit. I've been drinking a lot more diet pop, and these back issues that I have, happened a couple years ago as well. They mysteriously went away, and I think I stopped drinking pop then too. I'm not entirely sure that that's what is causing it, but it certainly doesn't hurt to try.
I haven't been lifting weights- for several days now-- I've been a little afraid to with my back issues. Rather I've been doing a lot more swimming. I went home this weekend, and didn't exercise a whole lot, but when I got back Sunday, I felt like I got a really good work-out in using the lap board, weights, and treading water. Yesterday I had a counseling session, and I didn't finish till after 7, and I didn't exercise at all that day-- What I'm trying to do-- is I know that if I don't exercise, I have to be even more conscious of what I'm eating. I still had a cookie and a small cinnamon roll from the lounge, and then some animal crackers in the afternoon (more than I probably should have), but I felt a bit better about what I had eaten.
I'm trying not to psych myself out of going to a Zumba class tonight. I've never done it before, but I've always wanted to. Hopefully, it doesn't aggravate my back too much. I know that I need to get back to doing weights, b/c I can already see the loss of definition in my body. It didn't take very long for that to happen!!

Don't Let Go

2011-11-10T09:59:00.001-06:00

Don't Let Go~~

Sinking, slipping, spiraling down-
Misery falling, sinking hole.
Fighting, grappling, scrambling up.
Plunging downward once again.
Pushing, pulling- every might.
Exhausting breaths, struggling afloat-
Hold on, Hold on, Don't Let Go.
Fray the grasp, keeping on.
Conquer the challenge,
Survive the low.
Don't Let Go--Don't Let Go...

Quick Update

2011-11-10T08:48:00.000-06:00

I changed up my exercise yesterday, and decided to swim with the kick board, water weights, and treading water. This after walking outside for 20 minutes, and having a difficult time running. My back still feels very tight, and I think it's something that I'm just going to have to live with. It's not worth complaining anymore. After I was finished, I felt really good- especially after sitting in the hot tub for 10 minutes. I need to remember how much I like to swim, and do it more often for cardio. When I woke up this morning, I was back to being sore again. I'm going back to the chiro tonight, and she's doing scans, so hopefully that will tell her more about what's going on.

Time Change Love

2011-11-07T07:34:00.000-06:00

Funny that even with the time change, I still slept longer than I probably would have- both yesterday and today! I do not know what is going on with my body, but it is still not where I would like it to be. Yesterday was my rest day, so I didn't do anything at all. I watched my nephew yesterday late afternoon and evening, and while we were playing on the floor, my back was unbelievably sore! Then I woke up with cramps in my arms and shoulders this morning, but I think it's somehow how I slept. I don't have anything after school today, so I can do a really good workout. I haven't lifted for several days, and I'm a little afraid to, for fear of doing anything to myself! I don't feel too bad at the moment, other than some tightness in my lower back. I'm scheduled to go to the chiro on Thursday, and unless something appears, I'm okay till then.
My goal today is to log my food and calories- I've been putting off doing it, and I know that that will keep me accountable. I haven't been very good at eating very balanced meals, and b/c of sheer um, well, laziness, there's been a few nights that I've settled for Trader Joe's cereal! (along with a fruit and a veggie)

Did you enjoy the time change? Any exciting weekend plans to tell?

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Positive Thoughts
~ I got an extra hour of sleep!
~ I was able to spend time with my nephew.
~ It's a new day, fresh start, new beginning.

Day of Rest

2011-11-06T14:57:00.003-06:00

Today has been quite bit of a "Day of Rest" for me. I've been quite the bum so far this afternoon, with the only thing accomplished being two loads of laundry! I slept till 6:30, which would have been 7:30 pre-Daylight Savings time- I was hoping that after my massage yesterday, I wouldn't have any aches and soreness this morning, but I really can't tell much of a difference. Maybe I will tomorrow- crossing my fingers! I ran on Friday, and then yesterday decided to walk on the treadmill, plus the elliptical and stationary bike. I've still been struggling A LOT with my food intake, with yesterday being almost the pivotal low-point. Today has been a bit better, but I've still had some trouble from grazing.
Off to have some one-on-one nephew time!

Any exciting weekend plans? What do you do on your Rest Days?

Stiff and Sore

2011-11-04T07:24:00.001-05:00

I have my first ever guest post over at Cynthia's blog http://itallchanges.com/. You'll have to check it out!

Yesterday after my chiro appt I ran outside, and I have to say it was a bit disheartening. It did not go well at all. :-( When I got home, I started beating myself up mentally with being able to run on the treadmill for 30 minutes, but not being able to run outside. My body was just so tired, stiff and sore, and it was all that I could do to just walk/run 20 minutes! I did some emotional eating, and though I'm not feeling it yet today (besides being tired), I'm sure I will sooner or later. I know that I shouldn't let it get to me, but amongst other things, beating myself up mentally is something that I do a lot. I haven't quite decided yet what I'm going to do after school today. I have to get my car serviced at 5:00, so I'll have to do something after that. My chiro said that I should stay away from the overhead press exercises and the ones with my back, so I'm kind of limited to what I can do for exercises. She said that running was okay. I need to try running again, and I think by the time I get home, it'll be too late to try running outside. So, it may be the treadmill tonight. Sorry for the negative post. At least it's Friday. I'm getting a massage tomorrow, and I can't wait!!

How do you deal with a difficult workout/run?
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Positive Thoughts
~ Today's Friday and it's almost the weekend!
~ I have a family that loves me and cares about me.
~ I have a car that drives, and is in good condition.
~ I have a God who loves me, protects me, and gives me strength if I CHOOSE to take it!

Happy Thursday!

2011-11-03T07:47:00.000-05:00

From Cammy's suggestion, I did make an appointment for a massage on Saturday. I wasn't able to get into the one at my chiropractor, so I went with the one that is at my hair stylist. I have a chiropractor appt tonight, and I'm so looking forward to it. Yesterday was rather painful, but after I got home, I felt better. Deductive reasoning may be that it's how I'm sitting and standing at school, b/c a lot of the time once I leave school, the neck and back pain isn't as intense. There was a part of me last night that wanted to skip driving to the gym to workout-- it was cold, rainy, and a really good "curl-up-with-a-blanket" kind of night. But to help with the attitude, I decided to go to my apt's fitness room. When I first moved to my apt about a year and a half ago, the equipment seemed to be in pretty good condition. The last few months though, they've changed equipment, and I don't think it works as well. I ran on the treadmill, and immediately noticed the difference. My run was 30 minutes (interrupted after 4 minutes to walk for 2-3 minutes), but I ended up not having any incline, b/c it bothered my back. Did the stationary bike for 20 minutes, and then 2 reps of the exercises my trainer gave me. B/c of my back issues, I only did 2 reps, instead of 3, and also a back-heavy exercise.
It's supposed to be in the 40's by the afternoon today, so I need to try to run outside. I'm going to have to get acclimated to this colder weather sooner or later!! I seemed to have been expecting a blizzard today, with how warm I dressed. Think I may be wearing a few too many layers, and I'm wearing tights!
Today is my dad's 65th birthday! It's hard to believe I have a parent that is 65. For those of you that followed me with my dad's accident this summer, it's such a blessing that he is still with us! He is back to his normal routine's of farming and ranching, but still has a great deal of pain from the broken ribs. His stamina isn't what it used to be, and tires easily. I'm getting to the age, where I have to watch my parent's age, and it's not something that's very easy to do. But I have to be thankful that I still have both of my parent's with me, and that they love me very much!

Are you an indoor or outdoor person? Any weekend plans?
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Positive Thoughts
~ My dad celebrated his 65th birthday!
~ I exercised yesterday, even though I didn't want to.
~ God protects me, and will get me through anything!

Exercise Challenges

2011-11-02T07:55:00.002-05:00

Yesterday after school, I was not in the best attitude of wanting to work-out, but I worked through my 'tude.' I decided to hit the treadmill, and ran for 30 minutes!! (about 2.5 miles) I am doing Runeatrepeat's Pile on the Miles challenge, and she only accepts treadmill/running miles, so that actually motivated me to do the run. I'm also doing another challenge of Run to the Finish's Holiday Bootie Buster Challenge where you keep track of miles, but I can include things besides running. I am also trying to work for doing my 2nd 5K on December 4th- a Holiday run. I was a bit worried over the weekend, when I had a hard time with just doing a 20 min run, but after getting my run in last night, I feel better. The only thing is, I think it does a number on my back and neck. I need to start running outside to see if it's the treadmill that does it, b/c I've heard that treadmill's can be harder on your back. Last night my back and neck actually felt a lot better, but than when I woke up this morning, it basically reverted back to where it felt before. I'm going to the chiropractor tomorrow, and I need to remember to ask her if there are any certain stretches I can do. I'm doing stretches before and after I run, but maybe there's something else I can do. I have "tingley's" in my neck, which is an indication that something's out of whack!
After my run I was absolutely famished, and had a hard time not eating everything in sight. I probably ate more than I should have, but the majority of it was healthy. I had 2 servings of this granola mix I combined from Whole Foods (Pomegranate granola, pumpkin seeds, and mini chocolate chips), and a kind of big bowl of Trader Joe's honey nut cereal with Almond Milk as extra snacks! I even had a good dinner with TJ's vegetable fried rice with salmon, edamame, grapes/mango/blueberries, and a pumpkin spice vita-muffin for dessert! This morning I'm feeling quite a bit hungry, and I'm trying to keep my cravings in tact.
I keep thinking today's Thursday. Guess I'm wanting the week to go faster!!
-----------------------
Positive Thoughts
~ I ran for 30 minutes!
~ My dad's birthday is Friday.
~ God gave me another day to be here.
~ I have a job, a car, and a place to live.

My Least Favorite Day as a Teacher

2011-11-01T07:43:00.002-05:00

November 1st- the day after Halloween (if we happen to be in school), is probably my least favorite day as a teacher. Why, you may ask? Weeeeell, kids come to school overdosed on sugar, tired and cranky from staying up too late. I think I may have to get a bit "creative" with my teaching today, b/c I KNOW they're not going to feel like being at school today!
I actually did very well with indulging in Halloween candy, mainly b/c I just wasn't involved in the festivities! With living in an apartment, I don't get trick-or-treater's, which I actually don't mind too much. This morning I had to have my blood drawn for a Wellness plan that is being required for my Health Insurance. I do not like needles at all, but I survived it unscathed. I had really good blood pressure, and my weight was 164.5, which, eh, not terrible, but definitely not where I want it to be. I wasn't able to work-out this morning, b/c I had to fast for it. I also wasn't able to have my COFFEE, so it was a little bit of a slow start this morning. Now that I've had my coffee in me, I feel a bit better. Yesterday I went to the chiropractor again (the car place didn't have any open appt's.)-- so I've now gone on Thursday, Saturday, Monday, and I'm going again this Thursday. I was without pain on my drive home, but last night I laid on the couch trading off between an ice pack and a heating pad. I wish I knew what was going on with this whole back/neck pain thing, b/c it's rather frustrating.
I will have to work-out today, and I'm trying to decide what to do. I haven't ran since Sunday (and it was a weak 20 minute run), and I don't know whether to try to run again, or to do weights. The weights may have been what aggravated my already sore back and neck on Saturday, and my chiropractor said I should take it easy on the back exercises. Hmm...
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Positive Thoughts ~~~ (Yes I'm bringing them back....)
~ I'm able to walk.
~ I have a family who loves me, and my dad is with us.
~ I have God's forgiveness and his LOVE!

Good Morning Monday!

2011-10-31T07:39:00.002-05:00

Good Morning~~
I woke up this morning still feeling really sore- the soreness moves around from my neck all the way to my lower back. I have a feeling that part of it is connected to working out with my trainer on Saturday. Even though we only did a 30 min session (which was only 2 reps per exercise), I really felt it. I did these one-leg stand-ups (where you sit on a bench and then stand up with just one leg), and my hips were definitely feeling it as well. When I woke up this morning, I was grumbling all the way there, which I know I definitely need to work on my attitude-- and b/c of my soreness, I nixed the run, and did the elliptical. After my run yesterday, I was (and still am) a bit disheartened that it went so poorly. I know it's my own stinkin' fault, b/c of the food that I put in my body. When you don't fuel your body efficiently, then your energy level suffers. And mine surely was affected. When I was done with my work-out, I did feel really good, and wish that I could remember how good it feels when I'm thinking about skipping my workout at 5 a.m.!
I really wish that I could make it to the chiropractor tonight, but I'm hoping to get my car serviced-- it's been way too long since I've gotten it done, and I've been putting it off... I'm hoping that I'm going to be somewhat fortunate to not have a whole lot of exposure to Halloween candy today. I'm not involved in Halloween parties, with not being a classroom teacher, and I'm not handing out Halloween candy tonight. My self-control needs a lot of work, so if I don't see it, it'll be a lot better for me!
It was a chilly morning this morning- the cold weather comes every year, but why is it I forget how cold it is!!!

Hot Mess of a Emotions

2011-10-30T15:58:00.000-05:00


I'm TOTALLY obsessed with this pizza from Trader Joe's. Can't get enough of them!!

Friday, I had a really good run- this after having Wendy's and 3 doughnuts. I was actually surprised how well I could run with having that junk food in my system. Saturday I went to the chiropractor in the morning--- I've been going once a week for a long time now, and had already gone on Thursday, but even by Thursday night I knew that I wasn't going to make it a week. I was so unbelievably sore on Friday. I had my 3rd session with my trainer Saturday afternoon, and just as I had suspected, I had gained 3 lbs, and am back up to 165. I had planned on running outside after my training session, but less than 10 minutes into my run, I just couldn't do it, emotionally or physically. I was feeling a bit down, and my emotions got the best of me, b/c I got 3 doughnuts and a diet coke from the store after that. This morning I decided I was going to run before church-- I slept on an ice pack, b/c my lower back is still really sore, and also woke up with my neck hurting. I stretched before running, hoping that would help, and even with that, it was an absolute struggle. I decided to stop after 20 minutes, and it took all that I could to just run that. My back and neck are still really sore, and I'm wondering if I can even make it till Thursday. Saturday I made a trip to TJ's and Whole Food's, so I have a good supply of healthy food in my house. It's just a matter of eating that, rather than going out to eat, and getting myself into trouble!!

Fall Fun

2011-10-27T08:41:00.002-05:00

Addie and Sadie- This was taken a few days ago, but thought this was cute.

Wednesday, my friend Wendy invited me to a local pumpkin patch, where she and her husband had rented a campfire site. It was a cool 40 degrees, but bundled up, it really wasn't too bad.

A picture of me in a REALLY big chair...

A rather true saying...

Can't remember what this was called, but love his ears!!

So cute!

I had a training yesterday, and was actually able to sleep in till 6:30 and still have time for a work-out. I ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill, and even though it was a humongously tough run, I made it through it without stopping. I planned my lunch to take out to the campfire (and had it with me), but the food got the best of me, and I ended up having a so good pulled pork sandwich, onion rings, scalloped potatoes, and of course smores! (Didn't have a chance to take a picture of it.) I enjoyed all of it so much, but this morning I seem to have an overly hungry appetite. I slept in, which means I'll have to work out after my chiropractic appt today. After my day off yesterday with my training, I'm wishing it was Friday. This week seems to be going way too slow!!!

Biting the Bullet

2011-10-25T07:37:00.002-05:00

Sometime over the weekend, I made the decision that I really wanted to do another 5K. I've surprised myself, and been able to run for 30 minutes on the treadmill (once outside) multiple times, which to me means it's not a fluke. (There have been times where I've done it once, but then the next time, wasn't able to go very long.) Yesterday I bit the bullet, took an Arbonne fizz tab for some energy (you mix it with water), and ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes AT 5 A.M. WITHOUT COFFEE!! I've always struggled with being able to run early in the morning, especially with less sleep and without coffee. Somehow I managed to do it. I'm sure my trainer, who also teaches spinning, will be a bit disappointed that I skipped spinning to run. But I think I have a game plan-- Run on M, W, F, and do weights on T, Th. Not sure yet on Saturdays, but maybe I'll do the spin class on Saturdays. I seem to neglect doing weights/strength training, b/c I put off doing it till after school, and if I do it in the morning, I'm hoping it'll help with putting it off. (I already fizzed a bit today, b/c I slept in this morning, rather than going to the gym, so again I have to make sure I do it after school today...) My somewhat tight jeans this morning, is a reminder that I can't, can't, can't let it slide...

Yesterday I had my 2nd session with my counselor, and I wish that I could remember all that we talked about. I seem to leave feeling rather drained, and it's almost a bit of a blur. She recommended me reading the Power of Positive Thinking, which I need to check into seeing if the library has it. I look at myself so much differently than how God sees me (and also others), and some of it is that I still see myself as this awkward 16 year-old. I do understand why she wants me to read it, but I struggle with even getting my Bible read, so taking the time to read this, I don't know if it'll get done. When I was in school, I read a lot, but probably in the last 5-8 years, I have read very little. I'll flip on the tv or use my computer, rather than sit down and read a book. And if I take the time to read, I'll still have the tv on, but have it on mute!

Okay, onto the day. Happy Tuesday!

"Snugglies" Syndrome

2011-10-20T07:27:00.002-05:00

Another picture of the Happy 40th Anniversary couple on Saturday

I'm afraid that I have diagnosed myself with the "Snugglies Syndrome." What, you may ask, is the Snugglies Syndrome? Well, I'll tell you my thoughts this morning as my alarm went off at 5:00 a.m.--- Warm Bed---Cold air--- So warm--- Cold outside--- So comfy-- Must stay in bed--- And so it went that I reset my alarm to 6:15, and preceded to get up then, instead of working out. The same thing happened yesterday morning as well. This time of year, when it starts to get cold (or when it is cold), it is even harder to get up at 5 AM. I don't have a garage, which means that once the temperature drops even more, I'm going to have to start scraping my windows, and be up even a tad more earlier!! I had finally gotten to a point that I was doing okay with being up early, and then now with the weather being cold outside, I hit a bit of a wall. I have a meeting after school that will probably last till 5, so it'll be later when I get to the gym tonight.

Yesterday I got home, ate dinner, and then worked out for an hour. I ran for 30 minutes again!! Then did 30 minutes on the elliptical. I so need to do some strength training, b/c I haven't done anything decent for at least a week. (Just a few exercises here and there) If I workout in the morning, I put off doing it after school. If I work out after school, I'm too tired to do it after I'm done with my cardio. In order to lose weight, I feel like I need to do more cardio, but I know that strength training is important. I'm not sure what it is about strength training, but I always seem to put off doing it. I guess cardio just seems a lot more "brainless," so I don't have to think about doing it. With the strength training, I actually have to put some effort into it! LOL

I've really been getting momentum with my running, which makes it hard to decide if I want to do that or cycling. The cycling classes aren't every day, so I could run the other days too. There's a cycling class tonight at 5:30, but it will be an extreme rush to get there in time. Saturdays are a bit tricky, b/c usually I sleep in a bit, have some coffee, and get a pretty decent workout. I got a really good run the last Saturday I ran, but there's also cycling on Saturday mornings, which is a good calorie burn. So, which to choose? Hmm....

2011-10-18T08:32:00.004-05:00

Sidenote-- Dear Cold Weather- You come every year, but why is it I'm surprised by how cold you are!! (And it wasn't even below freezing yet!!)
Last Saturday I had mentioned that I ran on the treadmill for 30 minutes. Thursday after school I worked out, and was able to run for 30 minutes again. As I was running, I kept thinking How in the WORLD am I able to run like this?? I had planned on working out Friday morning before I left for my parent's, but with everything I had to do before I could leave, I never got to it. I brought work-out clothes with me to walk on Saturday, but I was so tired Saturday and also Sunday that I put off a workout again. Yesterday, with taking a personal day, I was able to get a run in, and again I ran for over 30 minutes!! With all the stuff I ate this weekend, I was so amazed that I was able to have the stamina to run that far!
This morning, I thought I was going to be able to run, but once I got on the treadmill, my body just couldn't hack it. I walked at 4.3 and did incline for 20 minutes, and then did 30 min on the stationary bike. I ran into my trainer yesterday as I was going into the gym, and she told me that she would like to reschedule my appt that I have on Thursday. That was such an answer to prayer, b/c I was absolutely dreading going to my appt on Thursday, b/c I know that I've gained quite a bit of weight. I was able to reschedule it to next Saturday. Hopefully I can get my hiney in gear, and lose this weight that I've gained. I had already gained 4 lbs when I weighed myself several days ago, and I know with all the crud I've been eating, I probably have gained a few more.
Having 4 days off, makes it really hard to get back into the routine of things. I know when I wake up I think about how this day is going to take forever for it to be over-- and then it seems like the end of the day comes, and I've survived the day. Hard to believe.

Mom and Dad's Surprise 40th Anniversary Weekend

2011-10-17T16:16:00.001-05:00

I took today off as a personal day, and have been enjoying having the day to recover from an exhausting weekend. My brother, sister-in-law and I have been planning a surprise 40th Anniversary weekend for my parent's since early this summer. And with having my dad in an accident this summer, it makes it all the more special to celebrate the occasion. It worked out pretty nice that I didn't have school on Friday, due to a comp day from PT Conferences, so I could go home early. Saturday, we came up with doing family photo's taken by my brother, in order for us to be "dressed up" to go out to eat at the Country Club. We spent about 2 1/2 hours doing the pictures, and ended up getting some really nice ones. It was absolutely gorgeous day, so that helped a lot.

The scenery for our family photo's-- couldn't have asked for any nicer of a day!


The 40th Anniversary couple- my parent's

My dad actually knew about the party- he wanted to do something several months ago, but didn't want to plan it, so my brother, sister-in-law, and I took it over. We kept thinking that my mom was suspecting something, but she never did! We had a steak dinner at the Country Club on Saturday, and then Sunday we had a dinner after church for those family and friends that were still there.

The gift table- my parent's wedding picture is the black and white one

An absolute GORGEOUS day and the view

The cake- marble with cream cheese frosting-- SO GOOD!! (That's another blog entry, about going a bit overboard on it...)

My nephew Dylan- the things kids will use to occupy their attention-- Sunday at the Church dinner

What a cute 4-year-old can get his Aunt to do...

My nephew Dylan and I

TJ and Whole Foods

2011-10-13T22:18:00.001-05:00

Headed to Trader Joes and Whole Foods-- any food suggestions???

Happy Tuesday!

2011-10-11T07:41:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I woke up feeling extremely tired, but I worked my way through it. I ordered some Arbonne products a few weeks ago, and was able to order something for free, so I thought I would try the 7-day cleanse. It's an all-natural ingredient liquid that you mix with 32 oz water. B/c I had bought it, I knew that I needed to finish the whole thing, and I have to say it was durn hard to. It has the worst taste!!! The ingredients are fruit based, and I'm wondering if the reason I was so tired yesterday afternoon was b/c of that. I've been trying to not eat as much fruit, b/c of the sugars in them, and I've felt a bit better. This will be the 3rd day that I'll be drinking it, so we'll see how I feel today. I had a hard time falling asleep last night, and when I woke up this morning, I was feeling quite a bit out of it. I'm not doing too bad with coffee in me, but it's going to be a long day with having PT conferences till 8:15 tonight!! I almost skipped my workout this morning, but I had to go to the bathroom, so I pushed through it and went. I did 20 min on the stationary bike (my wimp-out workout trying to wake up!!) and then 30 min on the elliptical. I have had such a hard time fitting strength training in, and it's getting to only be 2 days a week. I did strength training on Friday, and not sure if I'll be able to get to it until Thursday. With being at my parent's this weekend, it may only be 1 day this week!
I had my 1st session with my counselor last night and didn't get home till after 7. I was so exhausted after that and hadn't eaten dinner yet, so I stayed home rather than do a strength workout. I think the session went well. She seems nice. It was more of a get-to-know-you session, but she did immediately pick up on my guilt/shame/fear issues, which I knew that I had.
I'm pretty nervous for my Conferences tonight. I always get nervous when dealing with parent's, b/c you never know what they're going to say or how they'll react to what you say. With being a Special Ed teacher, I don't usually have a lot to say to them, but I do feel responsible for their kids when they're not making progress.

Happy Tuesday!

2011-10-10T07:37:00.001-05:00

Saturday I decided to skip a spinning class, and instead went for the treadmill. I had coffee in me and extra sleep, and was extremely surprised that I ran for 30 minutes! I put my towel over the timer, and just kept going and going, and going! I honestly was thinking that I was going to hit a wall a lot sooner, as the last time I had ran on Wednesday it was for about 25 minutes. I haven't been running consistently, so I didn't think my stamina would make it. Mornings, I just don't have the energy to run-- it's amazing how much coffee can help a person, but then even with coffee I don't run as well. I usually end up doing the elliptical first, and if I'm totally out of it (which I have been the last few mornings), I'll do the stationary bike first.
The rest of the day I was able to keep it somewhat together, as far as eating healthy. Sunday though, *sigh* all my hard efforts were pretty much wasted. For some reason I didn't think eating this extra sugar would catch up with me (Either that or I just didn't care.). Weeeeell, Friday I decided to weigh myself and I had gained 4 lbs- so I am now back up to 166. Thus being why I should be extra careful with my calorie intake. But emotions got the best of me. Kind of funny that I was able to run that 30 minutes, with having that weight gain.
I did do something healthy for me this morning and went to my spinning class, even I really would have liked to skipped it. The class seemed to go rather slow though. Usually they go relatively fast, but I was tired through the first half of it, so that could be why. I'm not sure if I'll be able to go too often though, b/c sitting on those seats makes my tailbone rather uncomfortable. I had a cyst removed from my tailbone several years ago (a pilonidal cyst), and that area still gets inflamed if I sit too much.
So, on to the rest of the week. 2nd round of PT conferences tomorrow, work day on Wednesday (but I have to go to a training from 7-8 a.m.!), half-day staff development/half-day conferences on Thursday, and then no school on Friday!!).

2011-10-09T14:44:00.002-05:00

I <3 Fall.....

2011-10-06T07:40:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I slept in and didn't workout. I have come to realize that when I don't workout in the mornings that I feel a lot more sluggish than if I wait and do it after school. That and by the end of the day, there is more of a chance for me to want to skip out on doing it entirely. When I made my lunch yesterday, I forgot to include the salmon with my rice and vegetables- I was bringing it separately, so my lunch was a bit "light," without any of the protein. Though I did have a hard-boiled egg. I guess the stress was getting to me-- I decided to get a cheeseburger and sweet potato fries from this restaurant that uses all-natural ingredients (the beef is healthier and the fries have less grease, but they're still not entirely healthy), and I needed something sweet to go with it. The restaurant is right by my chiropractor, so I went afterwords, and by that time I was getting to be absolutely famished. I stopped by the grocery store that's close to my apartment and without much hesitation picked up 3 doughnuts- a chocolate, a lemon filled, and a raspberry filled, plus a bottle of Diet Coke. Came home, and basically inhaled my dinner with the doughnuts, and instantly felt the regret. This was after 7. By 7:30, I knew that I needed to workout (especially with having two servings of popcorn, m&m, candy corn trail mix that was in the lounge in the morning), so I made my way to the gym. I actually felt relatively good, and ended up running on the treadmill for 20 minutes, though by the end my stomach felt terrible (basically nauseous) from having all that food. I did 20 min on the stairmaster and 15 min on the elliptical after that as well. Yes, I know, exercise guilt. I so gotta work on that...
I did workout this morning with 30 min on the stationary bike and 30 min on the elliptical. It's going to be a long day today- PT conferences till 8:30 tonight. I did bring extra for my dinner tonight, so I can hopefully stay healthy today. My focus needs to be on clean, healthy eating.
I have an appt with a Christian counselor on Monday that I'm looking forward to. The cost is probably going to hurt me, but in the long run, I have to do this. My car is finally paid off after this month, so that will be one less expense! My rent on my apartment went up $10 this month, which doesn't sound like much, but over a year, can make a difference.
My parent's are celebrating their 40th anniversary next weekend, and after what my dad went through with his accident this summer, it's such a blessing to still have him with us. If you didn't know, my dad was attacked by a bull that he was putting in a stock trailer (he's a rancher), broke 6 ribs, fractured sternum and punctured both of his lungs (there were 18-24 breaks in the ribs as well). He's doing a lot better than he was, especially with being in the ICU/hospital for 2 weeks, but he's still in a great deal of pain. He's still been taking the oxycodeine, plus ibuprofen and tylenol. My dad has had arthritis already, so there's a bit of a combination that too. We're having a surprise celebration for them, and it will be nice to be home for that. We don't have school next Friday, so I'm going home and hopefully going to a home football game for my hometown with my dad. I have not been to a football game for years, so it should be fun.

Happy Thursday!

2011-10-05T07:21:00.000-05:00

I reset my alarm this morning- with the mentality that I had to read for a meeting I have this morning, and needed to be prepared for that. Well, that and I just "felt" like sleeping in. I really didn't get all that extra sleep, and I have learned that I actually feel better when I do exercise in the morning. The reading only took 30 minutes, so I had extra time to write a quick blog entry! With it being a Wednesday, it's going to be a bit late before I get to my workout, b/c I have a chiropractic appt at 5:45, so it'll be after 6 before I get home. Tomorrow I have conferences till 8, so it's going to be a long week!
I made an appt with a counselor on Monday. I've been putting off making one, but I'm hoping that this will help get me back on track.
Quick entry. Off to start my day!

I So Wimped Out...

2011-10-03T07:37:00.002-05:00

Even though I have a blog, I'm actually extremely private about my weight loss battles/issues. It took me over 3 years for me to feel comfortable to even tell my now-best friend of almost ten years that I struggled with my weight. I just don't like to talk about it. Now, if you want to talk about eating healthy, I am completely open with talking about that. It's the emotional part I just don't like to deal with. My mom has never struggled with her weight, so talking with her about it has never been something I've done either. I went to a Christian counselor for almost 3 years, and the only people that knew about that were my best friend and her mom (who I'm really close to as well.). It's a little bit of "two-faceness," b/c a lot of what I write about in my blog I don't think I would publicly tell people about. But it's a bit of a way for me to vent, and to get feedback and support. Though there are times where even on this blog, that b/c I know I do have a few people that read my blog, I don't completely share everything. I don't want to be total Debby-Downer, and I think that if I shared my complete and true thoughts that majority of them would be pretty negative. And who wants to read that? I've gone back and forth of whether to get counseling again, and with the expenses I've been having lately, it has swung back to the not, though I know that I'm at a bit more of a low that I've been in a long time.
So here's the open part-- I keep telling myself It's only September (Well, I was saying this when it was September, and it just happens to be October now), b/c there are umpteenth months left of school, and it seems like every single day I'm having to force myself to be okay with going to school. It's like I'm climbing this really steep mountain, and every day just keeps getting steeper and steeper. I was actually thinking about having "mental" sick day, but with PT Conferences coming up, I can't afford to be gone. And plus we get next Friday off anyway. My face has been breaking out horribly, which is a consequence from the surplus of sugar (from my emotional eating) I've been having and the stress I've been putting on myself emotionally. This morning I went to my spin class, but I really didn't feel like putting much effort into it. I left after 45 minutes of it, and wasn't dripping in sweat like I ordinarily am. I didn't push myself.
I know I have to keep going. I went to a different church yesterday. I was a bit disappointed that it wasn't the right one for me. So, I guess I just keep looking.
Okay, so I guess I was a Debby-Downer today.

2011-10-02T13:52:00.000-05:00

This would be Addie on my lap early this morning. A few hours later I'm laying on the couch with my laptop, and once again, she has plopped down on my lap. Sometimes if she is on my lap, she doesn't allow me to type-- she will try to play attack my wrists or lick them to death. Addie's being rather kind at the moment, and is napping, ignoring my hands. Oh the strenuous life of a cat....

It's been a rather uneventful weekend, but I actually don't mind that. I did an 8:15 a.m. spinning class yesterday morning. I wasn't really up for doing my strength training afterwards, so I waited to do that till the evening. It was a bit eerie when I decided to go, b/c I decided to go right before the Nebraska game. (If any of you follow college football, Nebraska did not show itself very well for their first Big 10 competition game!!) It was actually kind of nice with not having to worry about having a whole bunch of people around, b/c I bet there was only 3-4 of us in the entire gym! No one was using any of the cardio equipment and there was only a few people using the weights.

Gearing up for a busy few weeks- PT conferences on Thursday and my parents' 40th anniversary celebration in on the 15th!

What were your weekend plans? Anything fun or exciting?

One Little Bite

2011-09-30T07:52:00.004-05:00

In August I joined 24-Hour Fitness and hired a trainer. When I started I was about 166. For probably 3-4 weeks, I was really motivated, and I did really well with eating very healthy (fruits, veggies, grains, proteins, etc.) for about 3 weeks. At one point I was actually down to 160. Then, something hit (emotions, stress, PMS, etc.), and b/c I know my pattern, once I start, I have a terrible time, letting go. The more sugar I eat, the more junk food I consume, the more I want it. I have always struggled with balance and moderation. For some, it's so easy to have one little bite. For me, I just can't seem to stop at one. Though I will say in the past several years, I have gotten better with not having an "extreme binge," but I definitely still have work to do on just not going overboard. Last Saturday when I went into my training session, I was 162- the week before she had taken my measurements and I was down a few inches, but I know that I would probably be a lot farther, if I would eliminate the stress foods I've been eating. If I wouldn't be exercising as hard as I am, I know that I would probably have gained more than I actually am. That's probably my only saving grace.

At both of my schools, food (especially unhealthy food) in the lounge is a regular norm, and I haven't been saying "no" to it, which I know would help with my weight loss. My will power has been extremely lacking, b/c I've been giving into every craving that I've been having-- not fighting through them. I know it's okay to have something every once in awhile, but 6-7 days a week? Um, yeah I don't think so. It just sets me up for an emotional pity party. Sugary things with frosting has been my eye-catcher at the moment, and I haven't built up my tolerance. Then once those have been consumed, it just seems like the calories are blown for the day, so why stop? There are some times I can look at food like that, and I'm perfectly fine at saying no to it. Other times my mouth starts to water, and I'm consumed by that piece of food that I want. And maybe the key word is "want." I'm not paying attention to if it's a "need" or a "want." I want to be satisfied, and I don't give a care about it until I am. And then in the "after," there's regret, and emotions resurface.

I had a Luna protein bar before my workout this morning. Then I had another Luna protein bar with my coffee this morning. Here's to a successful Friday!

What's your philosophy? Can you take just one little bite and be satisfied?

Spinning Instructors

2011-09-28T07:27:00.001-05:00

This is my 3rd week of going to a spinning class at my gym, and the way the schedule is I have 3 different instructor's on Mon, Wed, and Saturday (Though this last Saturday was the first time I had gone to that class.). It's kind of interesting the differences between the instructors-- I had mentioned a few posts earlier, that one of the instructor's doesn't ride with us. He will stand and drink his coffee while he instructs us what to do. I will add, that a lot of his music has been 70's metal (and he has a long ponytail-- stereotypes, I know!). My other instructor (who is also my trainer), has more contemporary music (mostly) and rides with us. She's been training and working for the gym a really long time, but I think I probably like her the best. Their methods are both still okay, but I have a harder time knowing what I'm supposed to be doing with the instructor that isn't riding with us. I'm still dripping with sweat either way, so hey, at least I'm burning calories!!

Do you have any interesting instructor/class stories??

Weekend Talk

2011-09-26T07:39:00.001-05:00

I haven't taken the time to do a post this weekend- I did actually have plenty of time to do one, but just haven't really felt like typing one out. It was absolutely gorgeous out this weekend weather wise, and I really do wish the weather could stay like this forever!! I did take advantage of it on Friday with going for a run/walk outdoors at a trail. Saturday I did an 8:15 spinning class, had a 30 min session with my trainer, and also enjoyed some time with my brother, SIL, and 4 yr old nephew while we watched the Husker game. It was so nice out on Sunday as well, that I felt like going for another walk, even though it was my rest day.
5:15 spin class this morning-- the instructor said that she's thinking about seeing if she could start at 5, b/c there are so many from the class that have to leave at 6, and the class goes till 6:15. I guess it's just 15 minutes, but come winter that's going to be awfully early, especially since I don't have a garage!!!

Fighting Through Emotions

2011-09-23T09:04:00.001-05:00

This week I've been fighting a lot with my emotions. I've had some severe ups and downs emotionally, and though some of it is due to PMS, some of it is just a long-haul battle that I've continually been facing. I think I've always struggled with feelings- probably relying too much on them, rather than just the "facts." Thus my struggles with emotional eating. Before I moved back to Nebraska a year and a half ago, I started seeing a Christian counselor for almost 3 years. We talked a lot about my food/weight issues and my self-esteem. I was in such a bad place emotionally then, and she did help me a lot in those several years. I probably would have continued seeing her, had I not moved to a different state. Lately, I've been thinking that I need to find another counselor. I have found myself in a bit of a hole, struggling to climb out of it. It would be a bit different if this was like say February or March (the middle of the school year), but it's only September. And I was feeling this way even in the summer time, when I didn't have school to deal with.
I have always had a hard time putting God first, and one of my mental battles is why isn't my God ENOUGH for me? I want Him to be enough, for Him to satisfy me, but instead my life is filled with so many idols- things that aren't Him! The loneliness, the cravings, the guilt, the self-deprecation- all of that- should be replaced by God's Love for me. But instead I flip it around, and don't take the time to put Him first. So my thoughts are, no wonder I'm struggling when I'm not loving God like I should. I know there are always going to be battles, and Satan is always going to be lurking, trying to play with my emotions. I just have to resist those temptations to give in to them.

Getting Down to the Bare Bones

2011-09-20T07:44:00.001-05:00

I SO need to get groceries-- my fridge and cupboards look rather bare, and I'm getting a bit desperate with putting together food combination's. But it is forcing me to use food I would otherwise let get old, and eventually throw away. Last night I had green beans, canned salmon, and a Laughing Cow cheese mixed together. Not too bad of a combination-- (I had fixed a few nights earlier as well.). My mom had given me a whole bunch of cucumbers (which I absolutely LOVE), but I'm not eating them fast enough (in spite of eating 2-3 a day!), and they're getting shriveled. I usually just like to eat them plain, but I may have to start cutting them up and making them in something. I'm putting off buying groceries, b/c I've had some other expenses, ahem, five 30 min training sessions from my gym that set me back $229. And also my $45 mp3 player.
On a side-note, I did actually get some music on there, but I ended up forgetting it this morning! I've been ripping old music CD's that I had and putting them on my computer. Still haven't quite figured out what to do with the Itunes music. I can convert Itunes music to mp3's, but though they're in my library (and my computer), when I try to play them, they say they can't be found!!
I think I need to get up the same time I get up to go to my spinning class. Even though I got up 10 minutes later this morning, I felt more tired than I did yesterday! I really didn't want to, but I did do strength training last night. Guess I was pretty efficient, b/c it only took me about 30 minutes to do my work-out, when my other work-outs have lasted almost 50 min. I think this work-out wasn't as long as the other 2 that my trainer had given me. I'm meeting with her on Saturday to get a new plan, so that'll be a nice change.

What are some different food combinations you've tried?

Good Morning Monday- You're Here Whether I Want You or Not!

2011-09-19T07:40:00.004-05:00

This weekend was spent with a lot of ups and downs for me. I did my weigh-in and body fat check, and I was 162.7 (I started August 4th at 166.) with a loss of .5%. I actually was down to 160, but then this last week, I splurged terribly, so my loss wasn't as long-term. But I did go down, though I would have liked to have gone down a bit more in a month and a half. A loss is still a loss though. Trying to look at the glass half-full. :-)
I tried a different church yesterday, and I'm still debating whether or not I want to go back. For some reason on the way home, I started hitting really bad PMS with emotions, and after my healthy lunch, I got this absolutely huge sugar cookie and a bottle of diet Coke. I've been trying hard to not have any diet pop, but instead having Zevia. I knew after I ate it that I shouldn't have eaten the whole thing, b/c my stomach did not feel good from it.
I've been needing a new mp3 player, so I finally bought one yesterday, and I decided to get a non-ipod kind. Can't remember exactly the name of it, but it was about the same price as the shuffle. I've been frustrated with Itunes, b/c I've downloaded songs, and then went to go play them and they can't find them to play. But when I went to Windows Media, they were there. I got a new laptop about a month ago, and think something may have happened when I transferred the songs. So, I spent several hours trying to rip songs from a CD using Windows Media (my computer kept freezing and had to stop), and then when I transferred them to my mp3 player, they couldn't recognize the songs!!! I think it's b/c they are recognized as mp4's not mp3's. I thought I had some sort of way to convert them, but I couldn't find them. I was so unbelievably frustrated, partially, b/c I had wasted so much time! If I downloaded songs from Itunes, can I play them in another player, or did just lose all those songs? I wondered if I needed to burn them to a CD, and then rip them to Windows Media. Anyone have this happen to them before?
I did my 3rd spinning class this morning. I feel like it really kicked my hiney, b/c even with that I'm dragging a bit. It did help me feel better about myself though, so I guess that's a plus.
I met a gal at my chiropractor that sells Arbonne, and she let me try some of the products, and I'm meeting with her on Tuesday about them. I really like their skin products (as well as a lot of their other things too), and it's going to be extremely hard to figure out what to buy. There's so many things that I like! They have some energy tabs that you put in water that I like, as well as these chews that help you with your appetite- all natural products. Decisions, decisions....

Straight Hair and Tomato Soup

2011-09-16T12:54:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure why I find this funny- This morning I actually took the time to straighten my hair. My hair is naturally curly and takes forever to blow dry and straighten. For some reason I took the extra 40ish minutes to do it this morning. One of my students told me my hair looked "weird." She told me I shouldn't wear my hair straight anymore. At lunch today I brought Trader Joe's Tomato soup. I put it in a bowl and heated it in the microwave. As I was carrying it to the table, it slipped out of my hands (b/c it was hot), spilling on the bottom of my jeans (luckily not dress pants!) and on my white tennis shoes! Not sure if I'll get the tomato stain out. I got it as wet as I could, and the stain didn't come out. But I have to wear the shoes the rest of the day. Any suggestions on how to get an already set tomato stain out?
All I can say is thank goodness it's Friday!!!

2011-09-16T08:05:00.003-05:00

Yesterday I had dinner with a good friend at Panera- It was really nice to have dinner out, and Panera is one of my favorite places to eat! I met her at 6:00, but when I got home from school about 4:45, I was absolutely starving, so I had a hard time resisting not eating anything beforehand. I did end up having a bowl of cereal and almond milk, and also 2 cinnamon crumpets with Better N PB, honey and cinnamon and sugar. But my lunch was rather light, b/c I'm just getting low on options!
I've had to pray pretty continuously about having a good attitude this morning, b/c even though it's Friday, I'm having to give myself a pretty big pep talk to come to school this morning. (Well, there were actually multiple pep talks...) I was talking to my friend last night about my job, and though I do love the conveniences of living in a bigger city, I've realized that I'm going to always be a "small-town country girl." She had asked if I wanted to get a job in a smaller town (meaning a teaching job), and that does sound rather appealing, but I'm not sure a smaller town would change my feelings about teaching. Where I was at before was a really small school district, and it was a lot less stress and hours, but I don't think I was growing professionally. Where I am now is a really big school district, and I am growing a lot professionally (but there's still a lot I don't know how to do), but there is tons more stress and longer hours here. So which is better? I just have to pray that God will show me where I need to go, but I also have to make myself available to God for Him to show me- Something I have been doing absolutely terrible with for awhile now.
I went to a Beth Moore simulcast with my mom last Saturday and won a really nice John Bible Study, but it is still sitting in the bag. I haven't taken the time to get it out. Think I need to revisit my priorities...
I found out that my gym does have spinning on Saturday mornings at 8:15, so I think I'm going to do that tomorrow. I'm meeting a gal tonight (instead of tomorrow) about Arbonne products at 6:30, and I'm hoping we don't go too late, b/c I think I'd like to do strength training after, so I don't have to do it tomorrow.

2011-09-15T07:31:00.000-05:00

I did get a strength training in last night- I guess I was feeling a bit guilty with how I've been eating this last week (waaaay too much sugar and junk food), and I knew that I needed to burn some calories. That and Saturday I have an appt with my trainer to do a weigh-in/body-fat check, and I'm absolutely dreading it. I did 3 sessions with her, and they do it at the beginning, and then at the end. When I last weighed myself I was up 2 lbs from 160 to 162 (and that was before I started my "sugar/junk food" binge this last week!). I really couldn't bring myself to weigh myself last night after my work-out. Guess I'll just wait until Saturday! This morning I almost skipped my work-out. I'm not sure what it is, but both Tuesday and then today (the day after my spinning class), I have felt extremely tired, and I was even sleeping in 20 minutes later! Though I didn't have coffee until after my workout today, even when I was getting up earlier I was okay before the coffee (though I did have just a little to get a jump start.). I hit the snooze button, then when it went off again, reset my alarm- laid there for a minute and knew that I wasn't going to fall back asleep, even though I was tired. So, I got up and went. I felt like it was a rather lackluster workout with 15 min on the elliptical, 20 min on the stationary bike, and 15 min on the treadmill. I seem to be pushed more when I have the classes, and I do wish that they had more than just spinning in the morning- and the spinning is just 2 days a week. (It's 3 days in the evening though.)
Dinner tonight with a friend and Panera. Tomorrow I'm in for another strength workout (I think), Saturday I'm meeting a gal I met that sells Arbonne- some natural products that I'm really interested in. They have a whole bunch of things, but I guess there make-up is really good for people with rosacea.
For some reason it feels like it should be farther along than Thursday today!
I got to pull out my first "Fall" outfit today- black tights with my brown dress and black calf boots. I had put on a long sleeve black thin turtle neck underneath, but I started sweating immediately, so I guess it isn't quite cold enough for that yet. High of only 60's!!

2011-09-14T08:16:00.002-05:00

Okay, is it just me, or do you think it's strange for a spinning instructor to not spin with the class, but to stand and drink coffee and walk around? This was only my 2nd spinning class, and a different instructor from the one I had on Monday (They have different instructor's on different days.), but to me it seems kind of weird. But maybe it's just me. This instructor was quite a bit different than the other one I had, and I think I kind of like her a bit better. I seem to sweat profusely, and by the end of class, my towel is very damp. (But I just sweat pretty easily anyway, so that doesn't surprise me much!) I do wish the seat was a bit more comfortable, b/c it does make my behind pretty sore just sitting on it- It's probably a good thing I'm doing it just 2 days a week, b/c I don't think I could handle more than that. They do offer it in the evenings at 5:30, but usually if I'm going to do anything after school it's strength training, so I haven't taken that up yet. I was there when they were doing Zumba last night, and it looked rather interesting. I know just moving burns calories, but I've always been lacking in coordination. Haven't decided yet if I'm brave enough to try that too!
Going to chiropractor appt tonight and then dinner with a friend on Thursday, so unless I do strength training after my appt, it'll have to wait till Friday.

I Survived My First Spinning Class!

2011-09-13T07:54:00.001-05:00

I've had some suspicious comments on my blog- something about having a broken link and wanting to help me with them. They were from two different people, with the exact same comment. Anyone else have this?

Well, yesterday I finally bit the bullet and did my first spinning class. I was surprisingly not tired when I woke up, despite not getting home and to bed till 10:30! It really wasn't too bad, and I held out pretty well. The only thing is the seats rather bothered my behind. When I was done I felt really, really good, on an adrenaline high. But by 4:00 I was absolutely exhausted- most likely from the little amount of sleep I had gotten the night before and the workout. I was supposed to do strength training yesterday, but I was just so tired. So, I did a somewhat "modified" version of it at home with the weights that I have. I did 3 sets of flutter kicks, crunches, step-ups with OH press (using my coffee table- not quite the same as a bench, but hey it works!), and push-ups. Last night I went to bed at 8:30 b/c I was so tired. This morning I'm having a really hard time getting started. I got more sleep last night than the night before, but I feel even more exhausted this morning!. I got up a little later than I did yesterday even- about 5:10, and I struggled in my workout today. Thank goodness for my coffee. Not sure what I would do without that. After eating a whole bunch over the weekend, my stomach was still kind of reeling from that- I was hungry all day yesterday, and it was hard for me to get full. It wasn't quite as much as the weekend, but it was probably a bit more than I should have.

Happy Tuesday!

Recovering From a Not-So-Good Weekend

2011-09-11T19:34:00.001-05:00

In my previous post, I said that I let stress get the best of me. Going home to my parent's this weekend was probably not the best timing in my 'fragile state.' I can't exactly blame it on PMS, so it was just being "hungry" and craving sweets that I've been trying to avoid. Friday as I was driving, I stopped to get some m&m trail mix and cherry coke zero. I had come home to go to a Beth Moore simulcast with my mom. I really enjoyed it a lot, and it was very inspiring for me. Both my mom and I won really nice door prizes- I ended up getting the "grand prize" of a really nice Beth Moore John Bible Study, a DVD Bible Study, a t-shirt, and some earrings. It reminded me that when I'm craving something or tempted, that I needed to have Scripture on my heart. I still haven't put that into practice, even after hearing the message. Saturday I did really well nutritiously, until the end of the day when I just got so hungry, and overate on dinner, plus snacking on other unhealthy stuff.(And besides that my parent's neighbors brought over these cupcakes that we had with some ice cream.) I just couldn't get full. Last night I was "envisioning" the cinnamon rolls and ham and cheese biscuit from the convenience store with a Diet Coke for breakfast. I was/am in a bit of a destructive mode, b/c I've been eating absolutely horribly today, with binging and eating way too much. I forgot my sports bra when I went home, so I didn't exercise yesterday. I think exercising would have probably helped with my overeating. I got home today around 11:30, shopped for my SIL's birthday gift, and bought more of the chocolate cake that I bought on Thursday- the cake that made me sick to my stomach, and I ate too much of. :-( I got a 60 min workout in, but I know with what I've eaten before (and even later tonight), that it didn't burn the calories that I consumed. This isn't helping my goal of weight loss! I had to come back early from my parent's to watch my nephew, while my brother and SIL went out for my SIL's birthday.
Somehow I have to recover from this all, and not live in guilt. My goal for tomorrow is to get up and go to a spinning class at 5:15 a.m. I know the next couple of days are going to be hard on me physically with the enormous consumption of sugar that I've had. And the more sugar/junk food I have, the more I crave it. As far as meals, I have some Trader Joes vegetable fried rice and some pink salmon that I'm going to have for lunch with some raw broccoli and cauliflower and hummus. I also brought back some of my parent's garden cucumber's (my absolute favorite vegetable) to eat as well. Dinner I'm not quite sure of yet.
I read one of my brother's Runner's World magazines and found a really good article about what to do when life gets in the way of running. Though I haven't been running consistently for several months now, it did talk about how to become a "morning" runner (or getting up to workout). Normally when I get up, I don't turn on a lot of lights. I just get up, get dressed, brush my teeth, and go. I need to turn the lights on, and if I get up a wee bit earlier, I can make a bit of coffee to help jump start me. Not quite sure what to do about food though. It also talked about doing jumping jacks, squats, and lunges to warm up. Usually my warm up is just the walk from my apartment to the car, and the walk into the gym. I tried finding a link to the article on their website, but couldn't find it. I'm a bit intimidated about going to the spinning class tomorrow, b/c I've never done one, but tomorrow's is led by my trainer, so at least I'll know her.
I was invited to go to an Arbonne party tomorrow night that I really would like to go to, but in order to get strength training in this week, I'll have to skip it. I have something every night this week, and this is the only thing that I can skip. Guess it's going to be a bit hectic this week. I was really interested in their products, especially their make-up, b/c they're supposed to be good for people with rosacea. I don't know a whole lot about their products, but I guess they have a lot of different different things, even some food products.

How was your weekend? How do you recover from eating too much?

2011-09-09T07:52:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to not let my job stress get the best of me. There were several times this week that I was set up for a temptation to over-eat on junk food, but I resisted (partially b/c I was a bit of a 'snob,' and the food that I wanted wasn't there, so instead of just having anything I gave up.). But alas, yesterday it got the best of me. I had really been craving the frosted chocolate chip cake/cookies, and when I went to go see if the bakery at the grocery store had any, they didn't, but they did have some pieces of chocolate cake and buttercreme frosting. The bakery carries containers that are essentially 2-3 servings of the cake, and that is what I grabbed and took home. Of course immediately after I ate it, I felt guilty. And then I felt the need to go burn the calories off, so I went to the gym, and did cardio for 40 minutes. *sigh* After I had worked out, I did feel sick to my stomach with eating that much sugar, and then exercising. Not the smartest choice. But okay, I have to let it go and move on.
Saturday I'm going to a Beth Moore simulcast with my Mom. I've never been to a simulcast before, but I have done Beth's Bible studies several years ago. There's supposed to be almost 300 people there, so it should be a really good time!

Back to the Grindstone

2011-09-06T08:03:00.001-05:00

When you have days off, it seems that when you have to return to your routine, that it's a bit harder to get back to when you were in your momentum. Well, at least when it comes to work anyway! B/c I had the time, yesterday I did both cardio and strength training, and this morning I could really feel that I had done both. I did 20 min (or 15 min-- at the moment I can't remember which!!! LOL) on the elliptical, which normally I feel pretty good after that, but today I felt really tired. I did 30 min on the stationary bike, but it was only at level 4, and towards the end level 3, b/c my stamina was just really low. After having my coffee and protein bar, I'm feeling pretty decent, but gosh it is just so nice to be able to get up in the morning and piddle around!
As I was driving to work this morning, I was thinking that I really need to give up the coffee and protein bar in the morning, b/c I know I could go for a healthier option. (And the protein bar has 12 g of sugar, which I know isn't helping with the whole yeast-free diet!) It's more of a getting-out-of-my-habit-funk that I need to change. It's way too easy to just eat the protein bar and drink the coffee on my 10 min drive. I don't want to take the time to sit down in the mornings and eat. When I went to Whole Foods on Sunday, I did get some Stevia that I'm putting in my coffee, but I'm still putting in barely a tsp of hazelnut creamer.
This morning I also awoke to some really nice Fall-like weather. I don't have any black sandals that I can wear with my black dress pants (my black sandals don't have heals, and the dress pants are too long), so I pulled out a tan pair of slacks to wear today. It put me in a bit of a funk, b/c they're a bit "snug" in the back. I tend to let my emotions run me, and it's something that I desperately need to work on. My "feelings" dictate my thoughts, and I can let them ruin my day. For instance, my pants don't fit like I want them to, so I let something silly like that ruin my whole day- which makes me want to eat junk food-which makes me feel even worse-which makes me not want to do my job- which makes me feel incompetent- all b/c my silly little pants don't fit! (I'm not really feeling that way today, but I have felt this way in the past.)
I think I'll have a little less busy week this week. I'm debating whether or not to go to a spin class tonight. There's a spin class two days in the morning, and this would be a good test to see if I want to get up for a 5:15 class! (I get up at 5:20 now, so it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to get up 15 minutes earlier.) I also was invited to an Arbonne party on Wednesday, which I met a nice gal at my chiropractor's last week. They have some more natural products, and I think would be good for my skin. I am going to be going to my parent's this weekend for a Beth Moore simulcast. There's over 200 people coming, so it should be a great time!
Here's to getting back to the grindstone! Do you have any exciting plans this week?

Labor Day Thoughts

2011-09-05T14:05:00.000-05:00

It actually felt a bit strange today to have an extra day off -I started back to school on August 1st, and have been on the go ever since! Friday I had dinner downtown with a good friend, and we did a bit of window shopping. We also stopped at a Maggie Moos for ice cream (which I hadn't ever been to), and I actually enjoyed a treat- don't remember the name of it but chocolate mint, oreos, and marshmallows. So good! I took a picture of it with my phone, but the pictures I post here never seem to show up. (So, we'll see...)

Saturday I got a really good cardio and strength training work-out in, and then I rode with my brother and SIL to see my 94-year-old grandma that's in the nursing home for the afternoon. My mom, and two of my aunts and uncles were there as well, so we had some good family time. When I got home, I had a bit of "sugar rush," and splurged on some frosted chocolate chip cookie from the grocery store. (I paid for it today, b/c when I weighed myself, I went from 160 to 161. :-( )
I was going to title my post today "Why does eating healthy have to be so expensive?" but thought that might be a bit too negative for a laid back post. Sunday I went to Trader Joes, spent $70, then went to Whole Foods with the intent of getting a "minimal amount," and still spent $80! (And I had just spent $80 at Whole Foods the week before. Grr....) In defense I do have to say that I bought a pro-biotic from WF, and that itself was $21. I was trying to buy with a "yeast-free" mind, and it was a bit taxing to try and find things I could eat. I still bought dark chocolate and Zevia, which I think I'm supposed to stay away from. I did find a really good sweet treat combination of chocolate Pizzelle from Whole Foods and Better N Peanut Butter. The Pizzelle has only 25 calories for one. So good! I took a picture of it this time with my camera, but when I went to download it on my new computer, it said it needed to format the disk. I found some organic websites that have some coupons that you can print off, but I have to buy a new ink cartridge for my printer. That's another $40 expense, but if I use the coupons it'll pay for itself. (Side note- I also found out that my rent is going up another $10 next month...)
I've had a pretty laid back day so far today- Drank my coffee with Stevia this morning, then did my cardio and strength training workout. I really want to attempt to do a spinning class at my gym- they have an evening class tomorrow, which is a bit hard for me, b/c I'm finding if I don't do my work-out in the morning, I have a really hard time being motivated after school!
I'm off to clean my bathroom and my bedroom- last two things that I had left to do of my weekend!

Yeast Sensitivity/Allergy???

2011-09-02T10:39:00.002-05:00

I've been logging the food that I eat on Sparkpeople for awhile now and these are the foods I have been eating for the last few weeks:
Stonyfield yogurt/Fage yogurt
Fresh broccoli and cauliflower
Baby carrots
Cedars Red Pepper Hummus
Feldkamp German Pumpernickel
Hard-boiled egg (natural)
Frontera Mild Salsa/Whole Foods Mild Salsa
Blue Chips Garden of Eatin'/Whole foods Blue Chips
Nectatrines
Lifeway frozen Kefir Pomegranate
Apples
Luna Bars/Larabars
Coffee - Hazel nut creamer (1 tsp ) with 1 tsp of sugar
Cucumbers
Banana's
Almond Breeze
Trader Joes Triple Treat- blueberry, cranberry, mango
Trader Joes High Fiber O's
Trader Joes almonds
Kashi Toasted Berry Crumble
Green and Black 85% organic dark chocolate/Trader Joes dark chocolate
Plums
Fresh pineapple
Vitamuffins
Fresh strawberries
Trader Joes Pink Salmon
Trader Joes Vegetable Fried Rice/TJ Shrimp and Fried rice
Frozen Edamame/Frozen asparagus stir-fry mix
Fresh Zucchini and yellow squash
(And then on last Saturday I did have a bit of a stress moment that I had some frosted chocolate chip cookie- and it was a pretty big splurge.)
Okay, so these are the foods that I've been eating for the last 2 weeks or so, and for the most part they have been the same for the last month- so you would think with eating this healthy that I would feel better (and my skin would be clearer.) I mean I haven't been eating hardly any processed foods, and there have been a lot of fruits and veggies. I know what I haven't been eating a lot of is meats, so I know I need to work on that. I was reading blogs last night, and one of the blogger's mentioned that they were feeling tired and sluggish, and they tested positive for wheat and dairy sensitivity. This got me thinking, so I did some research. I have concluded, but I'm not entirely positive, that I may have a Yeast Sensitivity. But a lot of the symptoms - the inattention, acne, dizziness, fatigue, etc are symptoms of a yeast sensitivity. I'm not entirely sure about if I would have a Wheat or Dairy sensitivity or not. But, I think that I need to try a yeast-free diet to see if it makes any difference. My mom has always had terrible allergies- she's allergic to mold, mildew, dust, pollens- hayfever. (My brother also has seasonal allergies but not nearly as bad. My Mom's is year round.) I've never had that type of allergy, but I do have rosacea- more skin type issues. My mom could also be allergic to yeast, b/c she is allergic to penicillin (I'm not though.), so if it is genetic, the yeast could be a stem of her allergies. What will be extremely hard for me is to cut fruit out of my diet. I love fruit and eat a lot of it, but from what I've read, I need to eliminate it.
If you know of any resources for this type of diet, I'd be much appreciative. I at least kind of know what to eat- I'll have to eat more meat, which I've never been a big meat person, so it's going to be a bit of a change for me.
My brother and SIL and I are going to visit my Grandma tomorrow who is in the nursing home, and before that he said they were going to eat at Subway. He asked if I wanted to join them. I said yes, but now I'm not sure what to order.- Guess a salad?
I'm also going out to dinner with a friend. This could be challenging with this whole diet thing.... Wish me luck!! :-)

Terrific Tuesday

2011-08-30T18:26:00.002-05:00

Yesterday seemed to be a pretty rushed day- I worked at school till after 6, then I found out my new glasses were in. So by the time I picked those up and got back home it was after 7. Ate dinner, researched some ideas for my writing that I'm doing with my 4th graders, made my lunch for today, and then I was off to bed. Phew! I almost had the fleeting thought of sleeping in this morning, but I didn't. My strength training/weights is going to be a bit messed up this week, b/c last night I didn't get home till late, tonight I have another school event, so it would have to to wait till tomorrow. I'm having dinner and a movie with a friend on Friday, so I wouldn't be able to do it again till Saturday. I may only get 2 days in this week.
After I worked out today, my right hip and leg were sore, and I think it still stems from my fall on Friday. I also need to fit a chiropractor visit in, and don't really want to go tomorrow, b/c then it'll be late to go work out. So, it may wait till Thursday.
Do you know of any foods that help with clear skin? My skin is breaking out, which some of it I know is due to stress, but even with that I can't really figure out why it's doing it. I've stopped using the cream from my dermatologist, b/c it seemed like I was breaking out regardless if I was using it or not and the doxycycline wasn't helping either. I wasn't sure really what the long term effects of being on it, so I stopped it about a month ago. I do know that diet pop makes my skin break out- I've still been drinking Zevia, but no diet pop. Wondering if the Zevia is still doing it? Not sure if I could give up that too!!!!

Clothes Shopping Feelings

2011-08-28T18:31:00.004-05:00

Saturday my knee was sore, but it wasn't too sore for me to get a cardio and strength training in. I did an hour of cardio and then about 50 min of strength training with the plan my trainer had me do on Thursday. I was able to balance better on the Bosu, so practicing must help. :-)
My brother and SIL gave me a gift card to Maurices awhile back, and I'm in need for some school clothes (Especially capri's, since I have none in my size that fit- the ones I had were too big, and I got rid of them awhile ago.), so I went to Maurice's yesterday afternoon. I thought I was in a pretty good mood to go clothes shopping- but it didn't take me long to get frustrated. I really do not know why I do this to myself--Why I let myself get upset over clothes? I guess it's b/c I was wanting every single size 6 capri's to fit me, and they weren't. I have come to realize that I have wide hips, and they were preventing me from fitting in them. Is it bad that I refused to buy a bigger size than 6? (And partially, b/c I'm still in the process of losing weight, and my thought was if I bought a bigger size, that they'd be too big eventually anyway.) I did actually find a really cute dress, but it was a bit too dressy for school and also church, so it wouldn't have gotten worn. I ended up finding a cute purse on sale, so I left with a purchase-- Just not with what I had intended! After Maurice's I went to Old Navy and Kohl's, tried on some more capri's, and left feeling in a rather down mood. When I left, I was having a major junk food craving- more like an "emotional eating" cravings- I was doing pretty good till about 7:30, and then I couldn't take it anymore. I went for a frosted chocolate chip bar from the grocery bakery. They have these small containers of them that you can buy for $1.99. It's still entirely too much for 1 person, but I guess it's better than the whole thing! I know this was a binge, b/c when I was done, my stomach actually hurt, and even this morning I still could feel the sugar in me. :-S
My knee is a little more sore today than it was yesterday, but I know it's going to take time for it to heal. I did get up at 5:30 to workout- 40 min on the elliptical and 15 on the stationary bike. I forgot to start my coffee (I have a timer, but I never know when I'm going to be done getting ready in the morning!), so had to wait for that. So, my morning felt a bit rushed... There's a spinning class a couple days a week at 5:15 that my trainer does-- I should get up to go to it, but getting up at 5:30 is hard- but hey, what's 15 minutes??? There's also a Zumba class too that I want to try, but haven't taken the time to do it.
On to the rest of the day....

Klutzy Issues

2011-08-27T07:14:00.004-05:00

If there was a way to trip over or step in something and fall, I think I'd find it. I've never exactly been graced with balance. I seem to hurt myself in the absolute silliest things! I made a trip to Whole Foods last night- there were 3 bags that were heavy so I had to make 2 trips into my apartment. I was talking on my cell phone to my mom (of course, talking on the cell phone- multitasking), carrying the 3rd grocery bag in the dark, and tripped over the groceries that I had set in the middle of my apartment, landing on my knee! (bruising the banana's, crushing my tortilla chips, and almost mutilating my box of cereal!) I iced the knee for about an hour, and then went to bed. This morning it's still pretty sore. Not bruised, so not sure what that means. But I do have a bit of a goose egg. I can walk okay, but I'll have to see about exercising. I was supposed to do cardio and strength training some time today. I may have to take today off and do it tomorrow.
In my shopping trip, I "reserved" myself and only went to Whole Foods, instead of going there and Trader Joes. I spent $88, so I knew that going to TJ would be just a bit much. lol I bought some pumpernickel bread, b/c it looked good, and will have to figure out some combinations to eat it. I've never had it before, but I've wanted to try it. Also bought some brown rice and some pink salmon.
I had planned on going to the Farmer's Market after my eye appt this morning, but after going to Whole Foods, I'm not sure I will. I did buy some broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots, but it's not going to last me all that long. I tend to buy so much more fresh fruit than veggies (I bought fresh pineapple, strawberries, banana's, and plums!), and I need to "broaden" my horizons with them. I usually just buy the frozen veggie combinations, but I know the fresh is so much better for you. (And you also have to buy it more often!) When I was at Whole Foods, I decided I was going to treat myself with some gelato with eating really healthy this week- and decided on this mint chocolate chip. I've had mint chocolate chip ice cream before, and liked it, but this was just waaay too minty. I got a really small cup, and barely ate half of it before throwing it away! Guess I know what not to try next time.

Happy Friday!

2011-08-26T07:24:00.002-05:00

I had my last training session with my trainer last night. Decided to do my cardio beforehand, since I had slept in yesterday. I was pretty starving when I got home, since I forgot a portion of my lunch in my freezer, so I decided on a hard-boiled egg for a snack. Ran/jog for 25 minutes, then did 20 min on the elliptical, and 10 min on the stationary bike. My trainer was having me do things that I didn't feel too confident doing-- using balance- with the- can't remember the name right now- but some sort of a balance ball with a flat surface on one side and like the top of a exercise ball on the other side (Starts with a B I think?). I struggled quite a bit with it, mainly b/c I'm just not used to doing it. But it's really good for your core! I did squats, rows, and also plies (not sure of spelling with that either!) Also did some step-ups on the bench press with weights, flutter kicks, and some ab crunches. When we were done, I was tired of course, but surprisingly I wasn't just totally exhausted, despite doing 55 min of cardio and about 50 min of strength training! When I weighed myself I was a bit nervous to do so, since the last time I had I was actually up a few tenths, but I was 164.2!! So I was down a couple pounds. :-) My trainer offers 30 min sessions that I'm considering, and it's half of what the full sessions are. I can spread it out to have them once a month, so it would last me like 6 months. I know I'm at the best point physically I've ever been, (even though I can't run worth a durn. LOL) and I really don't want to stop the momentum.
I'm in desperate need of buying groceries, but I'm dragging my feet a bit, b/c I just spent $70 at Target earlier in the week! (Though not all of it was groceries...) I haven't been to Trader Joes/Whole Foods since like the first week in August, and I'm in need to go, but again, it is so easy to spend a lot of money there! Thinking about going to a Farmer's Market tomorrow, b/c I'm out of veggies, other than cucumbers. You may not know, but ever since I was a kids I have absolutely loved cucumbers! I could eat them every single day and never get tired of them! (But they have to be the ones straight from the garden. The store boughten ones taste funny.) When I eat them I just peel and eat them, like an apple. I was eating them for both lunch and dinner, and have had to slow down and just eat them once a day, in order to conserve them! Cucumber's don't exactly have the most nutritional value, but I still love them!
I'm feeling the school stress immensely- the other 2 sped teacher's for one of my schools have been working on schedules this week, and we start seeing kids on Monday. I can tell, b/c I had trouble falling asleep, and I'm having dreams about school! I didn't get much sleep last night, but I still managed to get up at 5:30 to work-out. But it is what it is. Can't really do much about it, so just have to push through it!

Sleeping In

2011-08-25T07:19:00.002-05:00

I didn't bring a snack for me to have in the afternoon yesterday, so I was starving when I got home last night. It was almost 6 by the time I ate dinner- I was a bit disappointed, b/c I bought 4 peaches from the grocery store earlier this week, and when I bought them they weren't ripe yet, looked at them last night and they were mostly spoiled!! I ended up eating 2 of them with a banana, with them being partially cut out of the bad stuff. I was soooo tired last night, and went to bed at about 8:45! (I could have gone to bed even earlier, but didn't think I should, b/c I'd wake up too early.) My alarm went off at 5:30 this morning, and I was totally exhausted. Despite even going to bed early, and I actually think that I fell asleep relatively quickly (which is rare for me. Usually it takes me a good hour to go to sleep.), my body just felt so tired. SO, I *slept in.* My alarm went off at 6:30, and I even hit the snooze button again. This morning I do feel a bit out of it, but I know it's partially from not working out this morning! I have my last training session with my trainer at 6 tonight, and I'm trying to decide if I want to work out before or just let my workout being the training session.
My lunch felt a little light this morning when I grabbed it out of the fridge, but I didn't question it until I got to school. I forgot my frozen stuff in the freezer, so my lunch will be a small cucumber, egg, apple, and a Zevia cola!! I did pack some almonds and dried fruit for snacks in my purse, so I guess I at least have that!

Blonde Moment

2011-08-24T07:57:00.002-05:00

So this morning, I'm sitting at a stoplight behind a car, and on the license plate frame covering where they're from it says "Nourse." My thought was, Where is that country? I look over to the left of the license plate, and it says Nourse Toyota. Ah, it's where they BOUGHT the car!! Guess I was a bit tired too, so that may be a little of my blondeness. There's your funny for the day! This morning I also had to say goodbye to a favorite pair of sandals, as the strap broke and I'm not sure they are fixable. :-(
I worked out this morning, and I had continuous thoughts as I was getting dressed, tying my shoes, and leaving my apartment, of wanting to go back to bed. I did 30 min on the elliptical and 20 minutes on the stationary bike. I do need a bit of a variance with my workouts, to help with metabolism, but it takes me so long to feel like I can exert much effort into my workouts in the morning. Yesterday I did work out in the morning, and needed to do some strength training after school. I really didn't want to go, but after eating dinner I did end up going. The scale showed 165.9, so I guess I was down a couple tenths. I have my last training session with my trainer, and I was thinking this morning if I could swing it financially to do another period with her. It's like $700 some, which I know it's A LOT, but I'm at at bit of a standstill with weight loss- as I haven't lost anything in about 3 weeks, and I know having her would help with that.
Went to the chiropractor last night, and I just had to give in, and start going every week. I've tried going 2 weeks, but with trying to spread it out, it has just made it worse. My chiropractor was really nice and put me on a payment plan, so at least I have that. Need to figure out some other ways to cut corners. I need to research some more on doing some freelance writing, but I don't have any past history, so it makes it a bit tough to get something. I do like to write, and I think that I'm fairly good at it. (Though sometimes my blog writing doesn't necessarily show it.)
Happy Wednesday!

Attitude

2011-08-22T07:45:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I had a bit of a terrible attitude- case of some not-so-good PMS. I was really feeling my "singleness" woes, as the pastor was preaching a sermon on relationships from Ephesians about husband and wives. I was still reeling from my over-eating on Saturday- some definite pre-PMS/stress eating. I was just in a really, really bad mood! I still didn't do the greatest with my eating yesterday, but I guess it wasn't absolutely terrible. Around 5, I did decide to go workout, though I was tired and cranky, and really didn't want to. But I did that, instead of going to evening church. Probably not the best choice for my spiritual life.
I've been going to my church since January, and I have gone through phases of whether or not I want to continue going there. The people there are very nice, but with my attitude the way it's been lately, I have had a really hard time making an effort with them. It's a pretty small church, which is okay, but the majority of the women are married and have kids. It's also an extremely conservative church, which the conservative I don't mind, but it's quite a bit more conservative than I'm used to. I really have not been motivated to go to church, which isn't the church's fault. It's my own.
I can't think of the exact verse, but there is a verse that God hates it when you're a "lukewarm" Christian, and in fact compares it to vomit. I seem to stagger around the "lukewarm" area, being a yo-yo Christian, going up and down (though that's a little bit of hot and cold.), putting the least bit of effort into my spiritual life. So no wonder I'm having problems with my attitude. You get what you put into something, and I really haven't put a lot into my spiritual life lately.
I'm trying to not let my school stress get the best of me, and I have to take it to God for Him to help me. I stayed up till 10 watching Against the Wall on Lifetime (a pretty good show I might add), and it took me a bit to fall asleep. Then storms hit, and I woke up around 4:30. So, when 5:30 came this morning, I was bleery eyed, but I made it to the gym. Not sure it was the greatest workout- 25 min on the elliptical and 20 min on the stationary bike. There's Zumba tonight at 7:30, and I've thought about going for an added workout. We'll see how exhausted I am tonight!

Someome Always Has It Worse

2011-08-20T07:31:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was a bit of a challenge for me. I had a Scholastic Do The Math training I was attending all day, and felt a bit overwhelmed with how I was going to be implementing it, and all the beginning of the year "stuff" I was facing. We had been told that we were only going to have 30 min for lunch, but when we got there they told us we had an hour. One of my co-worker's asked me to go to lunch, and I agreed, so we went to this sandwich shop. I ordered a turkey classic, but I forgot to order it without the mayo. I could have gone for water, but I saw Diet Mt Dew, and it sounded so good. It's been almost a month since I've had any regular pop. I've still been having Zevia, but I've cut out regular pop. I also grabbed some Baked Ruffles. Now, they were low in calories, but the ingredients were absolutely terrible. Ever since I attended my chiropractor's class on nutrition, I've been trying to eat really natural ingredients. When I got home I added the calories up on Sparkpeople- I knew that it was going to be pretty high, but with the protein bar I had had for breakfast by lunch I was already up to 1100 calories!! (Oh yes, and I also had a Reese's PB cookie.) This was a really high calorie meal for me, and I've been doing really well with staying in "tact," so it was a bit of a downer for me. When I got home, I was really tired, and I almost wanted to skip working out, but I knew with having a high-calorie meal I couldn't risk it. I ate a pretty light dinner, and then did a strength work-out and 60 min of cardio. While I was at the gym, I weighed myself, I think I probably shouldn't have. I was 166.5. The last time I weighed myself , which was sometime last week I was 165.7! (Which is up from when I weighed myself on the 11th.) I have to tell myself that a lot of this is from PMS stuff, b/c I exercised 6 days this week and last week, and my calories were between 1700-1800. But it's still rather discouraging. I've been working so unbelievably hard with eating and exercising, and I gain almost 2 lbs? It's a bit frustrating. When I got home from the gym, I was in a bit of a bad mood, and my mindframe was not the greatest- I'm PMSing, and craving junk food.
A very good friend of mine had left me a voice mail earlier in the day, so I called her back after I got home. She's been going through a family situation for almost 3 years now, and it reminded me again that my problems with my weight loss and the stress of my job are so small, compared to hers. God is really testing her and her family, and I can't believe what she's having to go through. I was absolutely dumbfounded of the circumstances that had happened recently, but she is trusting God to get her through it.
I didn't sleep very well last night- kept having to get up to go to the bathroom (I drank a lot of water with working out.), and then I kept thinking about my friend's situation and school. It was after midnight when I finally fell asleep and then I woke up around 5 this morning. I laid in bed till about 6:30, trying to fall back asleep, but I couldn't get rested. So, I got up and had some coffee to try and wake me up. I was trying to cut out coffee, and did pretty well M-W, but yesterday and today I had my 2 cups.
Trying to think positive today, despite the circumstances going on. I just have to keep hanging on, and not let it all fall apart.

Survey

2011-08-18T07:47:00.002-05:00

How many of you exercise in the morning versus exercise in the evening? Typically I kind of start off working out in the morning, but then it seems to get moved to evenings. It's a fine line. I don't feel like I have much stamina in the morning or get a very good workout, but after school I'm usually really tired and don't want to do anything, so there's a chance that I'll just skip it. (Though in the morning I usually want to sleep in, rather than get up.) The beginning of the school year last year, I started off getting up early to exercise, but I changed it to after school. If I had anything going on after school though, my workout was skipped. That made it a bit difficult.
My alarm scared me this morning, brought me right out of bed, and I was tempted to lay back down, but I got up anyway. I did 21 min on the treadmill (5 min jogging), 15 on the elliptical, and 15 on the stationary bike. I have something after school today, so weights will have to be done tomorrow. I went to the chiropractor yesterday. I had already gone on Monday, but my back just couldn't take it any more. Maybe that's the culprit of my "energy woes." Who knows? The last 3 days I've been having just one cup of coffee in the morning and yesterday I even had my coffee without anything! Okay, progress... Don't know if I'm going to need it today or not. I can already feel my back tightening. Not sure why I can't hold the alignment in my back! The last week I've been struggling to get into the 1200-1500 cal range. It's been about 1600-1800, which isn't bad, but when I weighed myself on Tuesday, it showed that I was 165.7 (which was up a few tenths when I weighed on the 11th!!). I thought that I would have lost a pound or so. Guess not.
No weekend plans, which I'm excited for!

Shocking the System

2011-08-16T07:57:00.003-05:00

Last night I attended a class my chiropractor gave on "Eating Well." I don't think I could do very well at summarizing what she talked about, b/c there was just so much information- all extremely interesting to me. (she's emailing the power point, so I'll have it later to post.) But it did make me seriously rethink about looking at what I'm putting into my body. I think that I've been eating healthy, and I still haven't felt better, so I'm going to show her my log of what I've eaten for a week, and see if she can help me. This morning I did pull a shock for my system, b/c I *gasp* HAD NO COFFEE!! I'm not sure if my coffee that I have is organic or not, and it's ground already, so I guess I need to look into some more natural coffee. I'm really feeling it right now, so I hope that I can survive the day! I had some All-Natural Veggie Crunchers and some Stonyfield strawberry yogurt with some walnuts for breakfast, instead of my usual protein Luna bar and coffee. I really hope it makes a difference, b/c I'm not sure I can make it without it! LOL
I did get up at 5:30 this morning to work-out, but I felt slightly out of it. Decided to do 30 min on the stationary bike and 20 min on the treadmill. I need to do strength training after school today-- it's going to be a bit of a late day, b/c I have a staff meeting after school as well. :-s

UPDATE-- Okay, so the coffee thing didn't last. I had to have at least one cup. Couldn't function. *sigh*

Is it worth throwing it all away?

2011-08-14T19:39:00.002-05:00

I've been doing really well the last few weeks with staying in tact with my eating and exercising. Last weekend, I was at my parent's, and had a bit of a "bobble" with splurging, but I recovered okay by Monday and was back on track. Yesterday I was able to see a dear friend, and we met up at the County Fair. My lunch and dinner were a little higher in calories- I didn't log my calories, but I know it wasn't terribly outlandish. Just had more than I typically have- and more beef (I had steak for both lunch and dinner!) There were t0ns of food stands, but having my friend with me kept me occupied and I really didn't have the opportunity (or the need) to get anything. We had dinner with some friends, and it was the typical home-cooked meal of steak, red potatoes and a cream sauce, scalloped corn with shells, stirfry veggies, and these to-die-for caramel brownies for dessert. I ate reasonable portions, but I know that it was more than my 1500 cals that I've been eating.
Today I've had a bit of trouble with some "mental thoughts." There's a part of me that would just like to throw it all away, just for a 7 oz piece of cake and a Diet Coke. One of the grocery stories just down the street has these 7 oz pieces of cake, that are a trigger food for me. 1/2 of the cake is probably a serving size, and the whole thing is not moderate. And for me to buy it, and not eat the entire thing, well, I'm just not there yet. But I've been craving sugar and junk food terribly today. I have felt so good about the progress I've made in the last few weeks, and my priorities are just a bit twisted, that I'm willing to throw it all away over a piece of cake.
Now you may be saying, it's just a piece of cake. But I don't trust myself. It's a gatekeeper into needing it daily, and then more sugar and junk food is let back into my diet.
All the food that I have in my house is healthy- I get myself into trouble when I go out and buy something that isn't. I guess I just have to tell myself that I need to just wait until next Saturday to treat myself, but even has I sit here now, I just don't know if I can do it. I guess the later it gets, and the more I try and distract myself, than I won't want to go out and get it.
So is a piece of cake worth throwing it all away?

Thursday

2011-08-11T20:43:00.005-05:00

I haven't been able to keep up on reading blogs lately. My time has been a bit crammed, and then when I do have time, it bothers my eyes to look at a computer for very long, b/c I'm tired! I'm so glad that tomorrow is Friday-- I think the teacher's are going to be just as tired as the kids by tomorrow! It has finally caught up with me with getting up early in the morning, and the last two days I chose not to attempt to run, b/c I just didn't have the energy. I'm tired in the morning anyway, but being exhausted makes it harder to get a good quality workout. Though I know I would be even more tired after school! I chose to do the elliptical and the stationary bike- 30 min/20 min (though today I did 25 min on the bike). I was supposed to do a strength/weights workout today, but my time is crunched in the morning, and then I got highlites put in my hair tonight. So I'm going to do it tomorrow after school, since I finally don't have anything after school! I'm debating whether or not to do a cardio in the morning and then my weights/strength after school. I've done it before the 2 days I've worked with my trainer. When I went to my trainer on Tuesday I was down a pound to 165. :-)
Today I have felt really hungry. Other days I've done okay. I've been staying between 1300-1500 cals daily, using Sparkpeople and I've been able to stick to that. Today I got up to about 1600ish. The snacks that I have had, have dinged me a bit with my calories, so that's affected it a bit. I've been having some sort of a "bar" in the morning- kids clif bar, pure bar, fruit and nut bar, etc., and then I've had the Trader Joes handful of almonds in the afternoon, and they've been about 180-200 cals. I bought some eggs and cottage cheese tonight to help with getting some added protein, and also some iodine. I know I shouldn't try to self-diagnose myself, and sometimes I feel like I"m a hypochondriac. I keep thinking there's something going on with the nutrients I'm getting, and I've talked with my chiropractor about what vitamins I should be taking. I added another one yesterday that she recommended for me, so hopefully this will help. I also wonder about some sort of a thyroid issue too, but not quite sure about that either.
Looking forward to see a good friend on Saturday. Getting to spend some time with her at the county fair. It's been years since I've been to a county fair, and we're watching the beef show, so it'll be fun. Yes, I'm a small town midwest girl! LOL

The Little Things

2011-08-10T20:57:00.002-05:00

I survived the first day of school in tact! I don't really feel too exhausted, despite being a bit short on sleep this week. I started getting up at 5:45, and backed it up to 5:35 this morning. I've been extremely frustrated with my banes of existence-- my cats Addie and Sadie-- lately. I keep my bedroom door closed when I sleep, b/c otherwise they would pester me while I was trying to sleep. When I'm trying to sleep, they'll paw at the door and meow, but at night they will eventually start. Though, they have started to meow at my door the middle of the night as well. I've been waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and it seems that they meow at my door then too. I've been unable to latch the door, so I've had to put my laundry hamper behind the door, so they don't open the door when I'm gone. When I'm home though, I haven't, and they have pushed at the door, b/c it's something that they can't get in to! I keep it closed, b/c I keep my wireless cords in there, and also don't want them getting cat hair all over everything. For some reason, it latched tonight, so hopefully it's not just a fluke! I shouldn't let this bother me, but my cats have been getting on my nerves a bit lately.
Yesterday I had my 2nd session with my trainer. I SO wish that I could afford to continue with her, b/c I really like her, but I just can't afford it. I have my 3rd and last session on the 25th. My finances have gotten to be so tight lately. I found out that I can't use my school computer for personal use any more, so I had to buy a new laptop from Best Buy. Luckily I was able to get 18 months no interest, so at least that will help. I can do 10 sessions for like $700 and that is just waaay out of my price range. I went to my chiropractor tonight, and she would really like to see me once a week. The longest I've ever been able to go without seeing her is almost 2 1/2 weeks, and she said that it's going to be harder unless I go closer together with my sessions. That's $25 a session too! I know I just have to pray that God will help me with my finances, but it seems that I have all these things coming together. Tomorrow I'm getting my hair highlited, which that would have to be a non-frugal expense, that I should do without, but I think I look so much better with the blond.
My post is a bit all-over the place, b/c getting up early has caught up with me. Have to make my lunch for tomorrow.

Small Town Parade

2011-08-08T20:28:00.002-05:00

This weekend I went home to my home town for our town's Annual celebration with my brother and SIL and my little nephew. I hadn't been home for this celebration in probably 10 years, so it was fun to be home for it again. Saturday morning was the parade, and I took pictures of some of the entries. Rather funny that I took picture of the tractors...

Can't have a small-town midwestern parade, without the farm equipment!!Last week I did pretty well with staying within the 1200-1500 range, but the weekend I went a bit overboard with being home. Saturday was okay, but Sunday on the way home I grabbed some trail mix from the convenience store, and it was not the smartest choice- waaay too many calories (like 700-800 I think)! I had it in my purse for awhile, but when I got home, instead of throwing it away, I finished it off. I didn't exercise on Saturday, was really tired on Sunday, but I decided to swim for a bit Sunday evening. I wasn't having much energy lap swimming, so I only lasted 30 minutes, but at least it's something.
5:40 came really early this morning, and I didn't sleep very sound, but I forced myself to get up. I thought I've been stopping drinking liquid early enough in the evening to not have to go in the middle of the night, but evidently not. I keep waking up in the middle of the night, having to get up to go to the bathroom! I did 50 mins of cardio this morning- 20 min on the treadmill and elliptical and 10 min on the stationary bike. Haven't allowed enough time in the morning to do 60 min of cardio yet. Still working my way up to getting up at 5:40!! I had my school Open House tonight, and I had to come home to make some coffee, b/c I was totally exhausted. I don't feel too bad now, but I still haven't quite figured out what's going on- why I'm so tired and light-headed. I have my 2nd training session with my trainer at 5:00, so I hope that I won't be feeling this way again tomorrow.
1st day of school with kids begins Wednesday!

Training Session

2011-08-04T20:32:00.002-05:00

After my training session with my 24 Hr fitness trainer on Saturday, it took me till probably Tuesday to not be sore, and almost yesterday till I felt somewhat normal! I had my 2nd training session today, and don't feel quite as tired as I did on Saturday. My arms are pretty weak, so I'm sure that I'll be feeling it tomorrow! Today was day 2 of having to get up at 5:45 a.m. to work out, and it was a bit hard to get up, but I managed okay. My time is so crammed in the morning with getting a decent workout, so I have to be pretty efficient with my time. I would love to swim tomorrow, but with only 3 lanes, I don't have time to wait for a lane to open if they're busy (I don't really know if they will be, but I'm not sure I want to chance it...). If it was after school, I wouldn't mind/care having to wait. I'll be at my parent's for the weekend, so after tomorrow, the exercise will wait till tomorrow. I'm learning a lot with my trainer, and have my next session with her on Tuesday. :-)

Morning Routine and Such

2011-08-03T15:49:00.002-05:00

Today began my first day of getting up early to exercise. Didn't go too bad-- Last year I was exercising after school, and during the summer I would be up, have my coffee, and wait a hour or so before I would work-out. I was really hungry when I went to bed last night- my stomach still hasn't quite adjusted to eating less I guess- and I was a bit afraid that I would be hungry when I woke up. I'm not quite sure whether or not to eat something when I get up in the morning before I work out, b/c I would be afraid it would disagree with my stomach. I ran/walked for 20 min (I worked out yesterday and was able to run for 17 minutes! Didn't quite have that good of luck this morning, and think it's partially from it being 6:00 in the morning, rather than 3:00 p.m.!), elliptical for 16 minutes, and then did the stationary bike for 10 minutes. My morning is a bit crammed with time. I guess I could have gotten up earlier, but I didn't sleep all that great and thought 5:45 was early enough! It'll have to get earlier once school actually starts, but with inservices I don't have to leave until 7:40.
Around mid-morning, I started feeling extremely sluggish. I was trying to drink a lot of water, but with eating as nutritiously as I am, I didn't quite know why I was feeling this way. I had a Lara bar at about 10:00, and that seemed to help a bit- but my neck is absolutely killing me, and that doesn't really help much either. I can't afford to go to the chiropractor so often, and I just went on Monday!! Somehow my exercising or something is misaligning me, and I nee to figure out how to fix it! I was actually able to come home for lunch today, which was nice, but I made coffee again to take with me after lunch- I had already had my coffee this morning. :-)
I've been out of my Zevia cola, so I need to buy some. I have 1 can of the Root Beer left, but sometimes I just need a bit of a caffeine fix, rather than coffee!
With being a specialist at school, and not a classroom teacher, these first few weeks of school, there really isn't a whole lot that I can do- Well, partially I'm still to the point, I'm not quite sure what I should be doing! LOL So far I haven't really had much stress, and I've had a rather lackadaisical attitude about everything. It kind of feels a bit fuzzy, b/c it doesn't seem like that long ago school ended! I had really hoped to get a full time position at one school, but evidently God wanted me to stick with the 2 schools. I've been really lacking in my Bible and prayer time, which is so crazy since I've had so much time I could give to it with it being summer!

Back in the Saddle Again!

2011-08-01T21:37:00.003-05:00

Well, it's back in the saddle again! Started off today with my first teacher inservice this morning. After I was done, I went over to 24 Hr Fitness and signed up to do the 3 training sessions I had been thinking about, and will have my first session on Thursday. Guess I'm going to have skimp a bit on any "wants" for awhile! That's going to be a bit tricky with the beginning of the school year, and it seems that that's when expenses show are for school supplies! I'm still really sore from my session on Saturday. I found out this morning that I'm moving classrooms at one of my schools, so I guess I'll have some additional things to do! I had made a chiropractic appointment for this afternoon, so only was able to get about 2 hours of work done at school. The time went too fast!
I decided to swim this afternoon, but struggled a bit with lap swimming. It's hard for me to keep track of how many laps I swim, b/c I keep losing count! I know I swam for about 45 min, but I'm not really sure how many laps I did. I think I only did 10ish lap swims for about 20ish minutes, and did the rest with the kick board and water weights. I had enough energy to do 45 min on the elliptical as well, after I came home and ate dinner, so I guess I wasn't too bad off!
Tomorrow will be more work moving and arranging my classroom, but I don't technically start until Wednesday.
I've done pretty well with eating healthy this week- Still no diet pop for almost a week! Yay for that!

166

2011-07-30T13:39:00.002-05:00

S0 I decided to join 24-Hour Fitness, and have enjoyed getting back into swimming again. I swam Thursday and Friday, and had my free training session with a trainer today. First thing off, she weighed me which made me extremely nervous, b/c I knew I was going to have to face what I had spent a year avoiding. The last time I weighed myself was when I was in the doctor's office last year in August and I looked at the scale. I was about 170ish. I'm not sure how much I lost after that, but I was bordering being able to fit into size 4 clothes (probably about Jan/Feb), and now I'm not even close to being in them. When the trainer weighed me today, I was 166. I told her I was wanting to lose 20-30 lbs, and she told me that I should go for 20, but probably not 30. That actually rather surprised me, b/c to me I'm still working on a number, and I know that I shouldn't be. But I have always struggled with the mental aspect of the way that I look.
I would really like to continue with the training, b/c I learned a lot from the session. But I'm not so sure I should spend the money for it, with trying to save money. They're doing a special where I can get 3 sessions for $129, and am seriously considering it. At least then it would be written out for me to follow. I typically don't do as many reps as I should, and I really saw it (and felt it) today. My arms were like jelly when I was done, and I know I'm going to be feeling it even more tomorrow! I guess I wasn't totally beat, b/c I felt good enough to do 20 min of the elliptical after the 40 min session.
My brother and sister-in-law gave me a $50 Trader Joes gift card for watching my nephew, and for letting them use my pool at my apartment, and it came at such a good time for me! I was almost entirely out of food, and I was wanting to wait a bit to get groceries in order to save. I still splurged a bit and ended up paying $23 of my own, but hopefully this will last me awhile. Today is day 4 of being Diet-coke/pop "free," and so far I'm hanging in there. I'm trying to reduce my calorie in-take, and it's going to take a bit getting used to again. I've been eating entirely too many calories (and sugar), and as a result I'm going a bit hungry. I've been trying to eat with proteins, healthy fats, and foods that will help me stay fuller, but you can only eat so much in order to lose weight. My stomach is just going to have to get used to having less in it.
When I moved into my apartment last year, I decided to have the minimally basic cable with 28 channels. It's about $18 a month. This week, I've contemplated disconnecting my cable altogether to save a bit, especially in order to afford the gym membership (and possible training sessions). I was surprised how cheap the 24-Hr membership was, of being $25.99. When I was a member of the Y, it was like $40-some. Wouldn't help entirely a lot, but something to consider.
I have my 1st teacher inservice Monday morning. Then the rest of them start on Wednesday. School starts August 10th! I'm having some anxiety about the school year, but I just have to remember that God will get me through the school year. I have to tell myself that it's good that I'm starting school again, b/c I tend to not use my time so wisely when I have so much free time! (and it's unstructured)
Things are looking up...

MSG and Aspartame

2011-07-27T16:57:00.003-05:00

The chiropractor I go to has classes from time to time on different topics- typically "Eat well," "Move Well," and "Think well." Monday I went to a class on the topic of Eat Well. She was talking about reading labels, but it was a little more than the regular "calories" and "fat grams." It was about reading the ingredients, and the ingredients to avoid. Two of the big ones were MSG and Aspartame.

Always contain MSG-
-Glutamate
-Monosodium glutamate
-Monopotassium glutamate
-Yeast extract
-Hydrolyzed protein
-Glutamic acid
-Calcium caxeinate
-Sodium caseinate
-Yeast food
-Gelatin
-Textured protein
-Autolyzed yeast
-Hydrolyed corn gluten

Often contain MSG or create MSG during process
-Carrageenan
-Natural pork/chicken/beef flavoring, bouillon, broth
-Soy sauce extract
-Soy protein
-Anything protein fortified
-Anything enzyme modified
-Natural flavor and flavoring
-Whey protein/protein isolate
-Malt extract/flavoring
-Pectin
-Anything fermented
-"Seasoning"

MSG
Salad dressing
Sausage products/brats/hotdogs
Gravy and dipping sauces
Soups (restaurant and canned anything such as cream of mushroom, etc.)
Parmesan ANYTHING
Chips especially Cheetos and Doritos
Soy Sauce
Hamburger Helper, boxed meals
Any "fried" chicken
Seasoned meats (think taco meat)
Instant spice packets/ramon noodles
Frozen dinners
Boxed rice, pastas like Rice-a-Roni

Aspartame
Breath mints/gum
Carbonated soft drinks
Jello
Flavored syrups for coffee
Flavored water (Crystal Light)
"Sugar free" Anything (syrups, cookies, candy, pies, drinks, etc.)
Jams and Jellies
Protein Drinks
Diet soda
Fat Free Yogurts
Table Sweetner (Splenda)
Fat Free ice cream
Meal Replacement bars
Low carb foods
Children's Vitamins (Flinstone brand)

I Need My Cat's Persistance

2011-07-27T12:39:00.004-05:00

This morning at 6 a.m., as my cat's were yet again, pawing at my door and meowing, my thought was These cats will be the death of me. For some reason, I couldn't sleep last night, so I was extremely tired- which didn't put me in a very good mood. By 6:55, Addie and Sadie still hadn't given up, continuing to meow and paw at my bedroom door. I keep my bedroom door closed for this particular reason. Otherwise, they would bug me when I was trying to sleep, chew on my wireless cords, and wake me up in the morning with their incessant meowing. I'm fairly certain that they ruined the latch of the door, b/c now the door opens just pushing on the door, rather than turning the knob. This means that I have to put something in front of the door when I go to bed. If I don't have anything in front of the door, they would push on it, b/c they want to come in and "visit me." I've tried having the door open (at my previous apartment), but they are extremely persistent, and they would lick me to death, jump on my dresser, play with the blinds, and keep me up at night. I feed my cats twice a day (b/c I thought it would help with them being so mischievous), at about 5 in the evening, and every morning they meow at my door until I feed them. And never once do they ever stop.
Last night as they were meowing at my door while I was trying to sleep, I was actually thinking about possibly getting rid of my cats. I've had them for about 5 years. I don't have any house plants or any breakable things out in my apartment, b/c they would break or get ruined. This morning as I woke up in not the best mood, the thought sounded rather appealing. As of this moment they are curled up on my couch sleeping, not getting into any trouble. I also had the thought about buying a feeding machine- it has a clock that you set where it will feed the cats at a certain time. I guess that would help with them waking me up in the morning. It's $60 though. My finances have a hit a bit of a slump lately, and I need to conserve, especially with the beginning of school starting Monday. I always tend to spend a lot of money the beginning of the school year. I'm also really contemplating joining 24 Hr Fitness. Going to get a tour this afternoon. I have a fitness room in my apt, but I really want to get back into swimming, plus the classes and other equipment would be really nice.
I'm getting a little bit side-tracked though- the point of this post is that I really need my cat's persistence. Day in, day out, my cat's are by door- never giving up. It's like clock-work, and they are always there. I need that persistence with my weight-loss/healthy eating lifestyle.

The Hips Don't Lie (And Neither Do the Pants)

2011-07-26T16:00:00.003-05:00

I've been wearing a lot of summer dresses lately, mainly b/c I thought it was cooler than capri's, and I really don't have a lot of shorts to wear. I pulled on a pair of pants today, that a few months ago were practically hanging on my hips, b/c they were so loose. Today, they were a bit snug in the thighs. *sigh* I "celebrated" by buying 3 doughnuts and a bottle of Diet Coke. Another *sigh* --I know the right thing to do is to cut out the junk food (especially the Diet pop), but it has such an addictive hold on me. The sad thing is, that I have been craving a cheeseburger and french fries, and it's been several weeks since I've had one- I've been having a lot more sugar than I have fast food.
I've been doing relatively well with getting pretty good exercise in- still haven't gotten into the running yet though. If I could be consistent with eating totally healthy, I know that would make me feel better, but being that I'm pretty thick-headed, it hasn't totally happened. I've never had allergies in the past, but I'm pretty certain I've developed them, b/c I'm feeling a lot of the way I was feeling last summer- though I did think it was from what I was eating (and it could be some of the reason now too.). For a couple of weeks now, I've been having trouble catching my breath, almost an asthmatic-type symptom, and I've had it before, about this time last year as well. Periodically, my head would feel really full, with my ears feeling like wind was blowing in them, and that's how my ears are feeling today. I haven't taken anything for it, b/c when I was feeling like this before whatever I tried, never seemed to work. I went to the doctor for the breathing stuff about 2 years ago, and it didn't help at all, so I'm not sure going to the doctor would help. I really need to get off this Negative Nelly kick, b/c it's not going to do me any good.

You Wouldn't Have to Exercise so Hard, If You Wouldn't Eat So Much

2011-07-20T19:38:00.004-05:00

Saturday evening I decided that I was going to go visit my parent's for a few days-leaving on Sunday after church, I guess after reliving my sister-in-law's words of "If I had the time, I'd go and visit my parent's." (when my parent's were up staying with my brother last weekend for my dad's dr's appointment she said this.) Both my mom and my SIL remind me that I have all this free time with my summer vacation. And though I do know that I'm blessed to have this spare time, being reminded of it makes me a bit stubborn, I suppose. I've stated this before, but going home always stirs up these emotions, some of being that I'm not in control of a lot of situations- when I eat, what I eat, how I exercise (I have a fitness room here, and usually the weather inhibits conditions). But those are just minor things really, b/c I have to deal with them when I'm by myself as well. I have had to really work on my patience with being home with my parent's, and as a result, it's harder to have a conversation with my mom. My mom and I don't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. We're very different, and I have to fight the urge not to be snippy with her, and I have also learned to not tell her as much. Also making it a bit difficult to have a good relationship with her. My mom gets upset, b/c I don't talk to her about things, but when I do tell her about what going on in my life, she will disapprove, be judgmental, or not be able to relate (we don't seem to have much in common anymore). My mom is extremely frugal (for good reason though- my parent's are cattle rancher's and have struggled financially ever since I can remember. She even grew up in a very poor family as well. Growing up or even as a young adult, we never fought about boys, it was always about how I was spending my money!) and my mom also doesn't struggle with her weight (and never has).
All of this is leading up to a conversation I had with my mom yesterday-- I can't exactly remember all of it, or how it was started, but my mom had said that I wouldn't have to exercise so hard/much if I didn't eat so much (which is true)-- I do tend to eat more when I'm home, and have more binge episodes, b/c there are trigger foods, and the above reasons I stated. I told my mom that I guess I wasn't built with her genetics. She said that it wasn't genetics, but it was another word she had heard, but couldn't think of the word (she was meaning either self-control or self-discipline probably- which is what I was meaning when I said genetics, but I was just trying to skirt the topic.) I had to use a lot of self-control at that moment, b/c my mom just doesn't get it. We've had this conversation before, but it usually ends badly, so somehow I tried to change the subject. For her, if she's full, she stops eating. She can have sweets in her house, and they'll stay there forever. She doesn't even have to exercise, and she stays thin. (My mom has battled asthma/allergies for years and it makes it hard for her to exercise, but she never sits still- she can't sit and watch tv or read a book, b/c she always has to be doing something.) When she's upset, she doesn't eat. She's not an emotional eater.
I've had to work really hard as to not let my mom get to me, but there are times where I can still hear words she had said to me, and they will influence me, not always in the best way. You can't choose your family. They are a part of you. And my mom is a part of me.
I had really wanted a day where I didn't have to exercise so hard, b/c of what I ate, and I thought today was going to be it. But today I decided to get Subway for supper (which is supposed to be healthy), but I had a BBQ pulled pork sandwich with Baked Lays, a 32 oz Diet Coke, and 2 cookies (not exactly healthy...). Now it would have been okay had I eaten light for breakfast and lunch, but I hadn't. It was healthy for the most part, but it was still more in calories that I should, especially since I'm wanting to lose about 20-30 lbs still!
It's really hard for me to not want to do an extreme binge right now, out of frustration, but I know that I would be jeopardizing myself terribly.

Grocery Shopping

2011-07-13T20:02:00.002-05:00

I finally made it to Trader Joe's today, and bought about $60 worth of groceries. It is so hard not to spend a lot of money there- and with the state of my finances, I really need to be careful with how much money I spend. Now I actually have some decent food, so hopefully that will help me eating better. I have a lot of fruits and veggies, so that also should help with my energy level. The unhealthy eating has snuck up on me and affected how I feel. I was going to get Panera for lunch, but there was an unbelievable line with a large group, so I decided to get Jimmie Johns. I've been exercising in the morning, and today especially it was rather difficult to get into it. I did 30 minutes of cycling, b/c I wasn't sure if I could take anything else. Than did the elliptical for 15 minutes. I've been sleeping decent, taking my vitamins, so in process of elimination it's the diet pop and the sugar that's affecting me. I have to cut down on going to the chiropractor so often as well- my insurance was paying $8 a visit, but it was only for a limited amount of time, so now it's $25. That's not bad if I only needed to go once a month, but I went 2 weeks with being gone, and it about killed me! So, I'm not sure if I'll go once a week or not....
Today- not so bad, need to really step up on reading my Bible daily...

Momentum

2011-07-12T18:50:00.002-05:00

I stared at my laptop for about 15 minutes, with the tv on in the background, knowing that I really should/need to do a blog post, but I wasn't sure if I could formulate a blog post or even "felt" like doing one, for that matter. Towards the end of school, I lost my momentum, my dad got hurt, and I've had a terrible time recovering. I've always struggled with consistency with everything in my life, and that makes it twice as hard in my "health" part of my life. I'm finally home now with the count down of less than two weeks left of my summer vacation. I go back August 1st. Now, according to my SIL, I should be very grateful for the vacation that I have, which I am, but the school district I switched to last year goes back incredibly early! School starts August 10th for the kids!! I interviewed for a full time sped position a few weeks ago that I was hoping to get, but found out yesterday, I didn't. I was disappointed, but my thought was also, Of course I didn't get it. That seems to be where my attitude is lately- I'm still on my summer vacation, so I should be in a relatively good mood, but I seem to be in a bit of a negative, foul mood instead. I don't really know how much to delve into with my personal life on my blog, as I started this blog for my weight loss. But your personal life influences a lot of other aspects of your life. I've had several people ask me how my running is going, and I've had to tell them that I haven't been running since my dad's accident. I lost my momentum for running even before that, and I'm trying to find my way back to it. There's a corporate cup with a 10k in September that I have tossed around the idea of signing up for, b/c it'll force me to get back to running. But exercise can only take you so far. I have to get my eating habits under control. That includes diet pop and sugar-- which has a terrible effect on my skin, and drinking more water....
Here's to a better tomorrow...

Out of Stock

2011-07-01T10:50:00.003-05:00

Since getting back from my parent's on Saturday, I have yet to buy groceries. Mostly b/c I'm turning around and leaving again tomorrow to visit friends for 6 days, and then will come home, and leave again back to my parent's. I feel quite a bit guilty that I'm leaving to visit friends, rather than go back to help out with my dad. I know my mom is exhausted with having to take care of him. I had come back for an interview that I had on Tuesday for a full time sped position (I'm part-time split between two schools currently), and I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much for it. I probably should have gone back to my parent's after that, but after dealing with my dad and his accident for 2 weeks, I just needed a break from all of it. And I've definitely had a break from it. I really haven't done very much or accomplished much this last week, other than still exercising and eating a lot of Panera Bread and some not-so-healthy sugary carbs. (a.k.a. cake, doughnuts, and diet coke) I've still been exercising every day, so I do have that going for me at least. But having nothing in my house food-wise is rather dangerous as well. It makes for more of a spontaneous hunger. I'm looking forward to being back here with not having a schedule!!

Neglecting My Blogging

2011-06-30T16:45:00.002-05:00

I've been neglecting my blogging. Yes, my dad did have an unfortunate accident with a bull, but he is on the way to recovery. It'll take several months before he will be back to where he was at before, but he is definitely going to be okay. I've been the type of person that avoids things- I don't like confrontation, and if something is bothering me, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I've been struggling a lot these last several months as I've said before, b/c my eating disorder has reared its ugly head. In my head, I know that I should be "happy" with the accomplishments I've made with losing weight, and being the size that I am. But, I have struggled immensely with being unhappy still with the way that I look. I haven't made smart choices with trying to maintain my weight, and as a result, I'm paying for the consequences. I have such a huge sugar and diet coke addiction, and I know that the more sugar I have, the more I'm going to crave it. And it'll be even harder to break the cycle. I have an even more than ever goal of being able to wear a bikini- which I have never ever done before, and it's hard for me not to pick my body apart with the flaws that I have. I haven't wanted to blog about what I've been eating, b/c I've been ashamed at what I've delved into. Now, in order to be somewhat positive, I haven't necessarily been out-of-control binging, but I haven't been eating healthy and in moderation (or something like what they say of 80-20). The grocery store down the street has these 7 0z pieces of cake that I have been seriously addicted to, and on occasion, I have combined that with 2-3 doughnuts as well. It sickens me to have to admit that, b/c I know my body deserves better. My health deserves better. God deserves better.

Thursday

2011-06-23T13:58:00.003-05:00

Well, yesterday my dad was transferred to my parent's local small-town hospital, which is a big improvement for him. The chest tubes are all out, and now the main thing they are monitoring is pain management and his lungs for infection. He still needs a bit of oxygen at night once in awhile for his breathing. We were all amazed at how quickly he improved after he was released from ICU. Today is day 12 of him being in the hospital, and he is so much better than he was initially. He still has a long ways to go until he is completely healed, but we are fortunate where he is at now. I've been struggling a lot with balancing eating, exercising and stress. I'm trying to get exercise in, but it's been really hard to have enough time and energy to get it done. I have no idea when I'll be able to do any sort of a routine, and going back and forth from my parent's is going to be a bit hard for me to eat normally. My parent's eat so much different than I do, and I have a hard time eating healthy when I'm home. There's also so much more of an environment for me to want to binge, or even over-eat. There's just something about coming home that brings back all these feelings and old habits and patterns and it makes it really hard for me to resist them. I had wanted to really work on losing these last 30 pounds this summer, with doing a lot of exercising, but then this happened, and I wasn't able to. I have no idea how much help my parent's are going to need, so I don't know if I'll be able to get back on track or not. I was struggling emotionally big-time before this, and then my dad's accident masked everything with making that the priority. Now that everything's "toned down," my emotions have somewhat returned (and PMS doesn't help either), and I've noticed myself falling a bit.
There's gorgeous weather outside, so I at least need to take advantage of that. I'm just thankful that my dad's going to be okay. I just pray that he's able to be back to the lifestyle that he had before.

Blessings

2011-06-19T20:50:00.002-05:00

Yesterday my dad was transferred out of ICU to a regular room, thankfully. He still has a really long way to go before he will be dismissed, but he is continually making progress. He was on the ventilator for 4 1/2 days, but the chest tubes are still in. We're not sure of the time line of the chest tubes (or dismissal), but when those will be out, it will be one less tube to cause discomfort.

update

2011-06-14T15:57:00.003-05:00

Today seems to be a bit better for my dad. It's a bit hard not to be negative about the whole situation, but we are learning to find positive's in everything. They did a trial cpap this morning with having him breathe on his own for about 4 hours without the ventilator, and it went well. They are going to do another trial this evening. His chest tubes are just draining now, and they are not having to suction anything- he doesn't have any pneumothorax- air leakage, so that is a positive as well. He was off of sedation for several hours, but about an hour ago, it was hurting quite a bit with coughing and suctioning, so they had to turn it back on again. They don't want him sedated when they do the next cpap test here in about 2 hours, so hopefully they will be able to turn it off again. If the test goes well today, then they will try for more tomorrow. He has to be completely off of the ventilator a few days before they move him out of the ICU. It's still been a bit of a fog for me, b/c it doesn't seem all that long ago that I can hear him talking and laughing. We have a long road ahead of us, and although I know it's best just to focus on the present, I still can't help but think about what we'll be facing. I know it's going to involve a lot of pain for him (and for us to watch), and it'll will be hard to go through. I just pray that I have enough strength to get through it.
I finally was able to do a short work-out this morning for about 45 min- 30 min on the elliptical, and 15 min on the stationary bike. It felt really good to get something done, but I could tell that my body was out of shape. I hate that I'm selfish enough to think about the whole food aspect is going to have on me, but unfortunately it's been on my mind. I had a bit of a stress eating last night when I got home at 9:45, and that was one of the main reason's I wanted to exercise this morning. I've still been eating somewhat decent, but I can tell with the emotional stuff I was going through even before this was happening has taken a toll on my weight. I have clothes that I'm wearing that were drooping on me, and aren't so much anymore. But that is something that is minor in comparison, and something that I really shouldn't be focusing on. My family is what is important.

2011-06-13T14:39:00.002-05:00

In a matter of a few seconds, your life can be turned upside down and what you thought was important really isn't all that important. And what you took for granted, can come crashing down how much it really matters to you. I'm sitting in my dad's hospital room right now, playing an Army Wives episode online in the background. On Saturday my dad was loading bulls into a stock trailer, and one of the bulls got spooked, and turned around and butted my dad in the chest, cornering him in the fence alley. This happened at 4:00 on Saturday. It was a critical enough injury that they flew him 4 hours away to a bigger hospital. I've gotten pretty good at quoting the stats, b/c I've told so many people- 6 broken ribs on the front and back, broken sternum, punctured lungs on both sides. Chest tubes in both lungs, ventilator to help with breathing, epidural above the spine to help with pain, when he eventually is weaned off the ventilator, which will hopefully be started on Wednesday. When my brother and I got the call, we immediately drove to the hospital where he was being flown to- we live locally- and it took forever for the chopper to get here, so by the time we actually got to see him, it was about 6-7 hours later. We didn't leave the hospital that night till about 3:30 a.m., and I didn't sleep at all that night. We had a scare about an hour later, when they called us, but everything ended being okay. They are saying that he'll be in the ICU for several days, and then who knows how long in the hospital. But it seems, my life has come to a crashing halt, and everything else is dropped. I don't do well in tense situations, and it's even harder to watch someone you love be in pain. That's what's been the hardest. I try not to think about the long haul to his recovery, but I can't help but think about the pain he's going to be in, the next several weeks and months. My dad is a rancher, and I know it's going to be really hard for him to be laid up like this.
This last week I was supposed to go visit my friend, and I ended up going to my parent's instead b/c she had to be with her mom and grandpa. I spent a lot of time with my dad, and it ended up being rather a blessing for me. It made me appreciate this situation even more.
I guess I'm lucky that I don't have school right now, so I have all this time that I'm able to be with my family.
I don't think it's still quite hit that I'm going through this. I at least got a decent night's sleep last night, but I still feel exhausted.

ABC's of Food

2011-06-02T20:38:00.003-05:00

A: is for Apple, what’s your favorite variety?

Fuji or Braeburn

B: is for Bread, regardless of nutrition, calories, or whole grains what is your favorite type to have a nice big piece of?
I LOVE bread, but my favorite is probably my mom's homemade wheat bread with homemade jelly or peanut butter.

C: is for Cereal what is your favorite kind currently (just one!)
That's tough- Probably a Kashi variety

D: is for Doughnuts, you might not currently be eating them but what kind do you fancy?
Doughnuts are my weakness! The Bavarian kind or the chocolate cake kind.

E: is for Eggs, how would you like yours prepared?
scrambled with ketchup

F: is for Fat Free, what is your favorite fat free product?
Hmm... yogurt? can't really think of something off-hand.

G: is for Groceries, where do you purchase yours at?
SuperTarget, Trader-Joes, Whole Foods, Baker's

H: is for Hot Beverages, what is your favorite hot drink?

Hazelnut coffee- It's my morning tradition!!!

I: is for Ice Cream, pick a favorite flavor and add a fun topping.
Probably any kind with some almonds, or whipped creme, or some berries

J: is for Jams or Jellies, do you eat them, and if so what kind and flavor?

It's a bit of a trigger food with bread, b/c I love them a lot. Probably peach, mulberry-rhubarb, apricot are my fav's

K: is for Kashi, name your favorite Kashi product?
probably their cereal

L: is for Lunch, what was yours today?
Subway- Orchard Apple chicken on white with American cheese and cucumber's, Baked Lay's and a Diet Coke

M: is for microwave, what is your favorite microwave meal/snack?
Frozen edamame, Lean Cuisine pizza

N: is for nutrients, do you like carbs, fats, or proteins best?

Probably carbs and protein's.

O: is for oil, what kind do you like to use?

I rarely cook with oil, but probably olive oil

P: is for protein, how do you get yours?

chicken, yogurt, protein bars, milk

Q: is for Quaker, how do you like your oats?
With yogurt, walnuts, cinnamon, honey, and fruit

R: is for roasting, what is your favorite thing to roast?
not something I typically do

S: is for sandwich, what’s your favorite kind?

Roast beef

T: is for travel, how do you handle eating while traveling?

I don't travel a lot, but I just try to find something healthy, have protein bars on hand, and drink water

U: is for unique, what is one of your weirdest food combos?
People have thought the sweet potato and peanut butter is a weird combo- I've mixed a lean pocket with frozen mixed veggies before. Can't really think of anything else.

V: is for vitamins, what kind do you take?

Vitamin D, Omega-3, B-Vitamin Complex, multi-vitamin

W: is for wasabi, yay or nay?

Never had it before- not really sure what it is!

X: is for XRAY. if we xrayed your belly right now, what food would we see?
fruits, veggies, meat, and dairy, and sugar... LOL

Y: is for youth, what food reminds you of your childhood?

Roast beef, mashed potatoes, and cheesy carrots

Z: is for zucchini, how do you prepare it?
Regular- steamed with a little butter/margarine and I'm good!

YOUR TURN!

Pick a letter and tell me what YOU like! Or let me know if you fill this out on your own blog. I love reading about what other people eat.

Have a great day everyone! :)
BYE!

The Self-Compassionate Eating Quiz

2011-05-31T09:16:00.001-05:00

One of the people that I follow on Twitter had a link to this quiz, and I have to admit, I probably would not do very well with it. Had to share...

The Self-Compassionate Eating Quiz

By Jean Fain

This quiz measures your current state of self-compassion by helping you assess your mental, emotional, and physical reaction to diet, weight, and body image. When you can find a quiet moment away from distractions, take a pen or pencil and sit down to reflect on how compassionate you are toward yourself.

Check eight statements that come closest to reflecting your general experience.
That is, they should reflect how you most often feel in the situation described.

__1. When I eat something “bad,” like a donut, I can’t stop thinking about how I’ve blown it.

__2. After an indulgent weekend, I trust myself to rein in my eating.

__3. I often feel alone with my eating issues, but I know I’m not.

__4. When I eat junk food, I try not to beat myself up too much.

__5. I may feel uncomfortable if I’m bloated or a few pounds heavier, but it doesn’t stop me from enjoying social activities.

__6. I might never love my body, but I know I’d like it better ten pounds lighter.

__7. No one struggles with eating like I do.

__8. I don’t trust myself to eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full, but I’d like to learn.

__9. I can get down on myself when I’m bloated or a few pounds heavier, but I’ll still go out in baggy clothes.

__10. Paying attention to my hunger makes me want to eat, so I try to ignore it.

__11. I’m always interested in what my body has to say about hunger and fullness.

__12. If I lose one to two pounds per week, I’ll never reach my goal weight.

__13. I’d like to jumpstart my weight loss with a crash diet and then eat healthfully.

__14. I didn’t stick to my eating plan the whole weekend; all my weight-loss efforts are for nothing.

__15. When I eat something less than healthful, I try to savor it all the same.

__16. I really indulged myself over the weekend; I’m afraid to step on the scale.

__17. When I feel bloated or especially fat, I won’t leave the house.

__18. After overeating, I feel like punishing myself, but I know restricting and purging only make me feel worse.

__19. Overeating is a signal to care for myself more, not less.

__20. After I overeat, self-punishment (restricting food intake and/or purging, vomiting, or overexercising) is the only thing that makes me feel better.

__21. My weight takes care of itself when I feed myself delicious, nutritious food.

__22. When I’m overweight, I feel gross; I hate my body.

__23. Everybody overeats and feels stuffed on occasion.

__24. I love and respect my body.

Scoring Sheet

Give yourself 1 point per statement for checking any of the following: 1, 7, 10, 12, 14, 17, 20, 22.

Subtotal: _______

Give yourself 2 points per statement for checking any of the following: 3, 4, 6, 8, 9, 13, 16, 18.

Subtotal: _______

Give yourself 3 points per statement for checking any of the following: 2, 5, 11,15, 19, 21, 23, 24.

Subtotal: _______

Total Score: _____ Date: _____ / _____ / _____

Your Score and What to Make of It

When it comes to self-compassion, 0–8 means you’re running on fumes; 9–16, your tank is half full; 17–24, you’ve got way more self-compassion than the average American dieter.

Even if you’re already pretty kind to yourself, know that even a slight increase in self-compassion can brighten your worldview, give you more emotional balance, help you get a handle on your eating, and facilitate sustainable weight loss. (That is, if you are trying to lose weight.)

Follow the author's tips to develop a more compassionate attitude.

Three More Days...

2011-05-30T12:18:00.003-05:00

Three more days, and then let my summer begin! I'm trying not to be a tad bitter with having to be in school after Memorial Day. It just seems a bit wrong to still be in school after the holiday, especially for the kids a day and a half (and then the teachers go another day)! I've always been out before this, and it's taken a bit of getting used to. My summer seems to already be getting cut short, with having to report back August 1st and then school starting August 10th! My school district seems to like having the reputation of going the distance with giving their kids a studious education. Which, being a teacher, I know is a good thing, but the kids are done, and so are the teachers!! Okay, off the soap box... (I am extremely grateful to at least have a break, so please forgive me for the complaining! I know there are others that aren't so fortunate.... LOL)
I've been a bit thick-headed these last several weeks, b/c I've been so stressed, and as a result, have given in to some stress-eating (Can you say sugar and diet pop???). Also as a result? I've had to exercise more to compensate! I got in some really good work-outs this weekend, but I still feel like it may not quite be enough. I haven't quite gotten through to myself, that it's okay to enjoy food, but I have to do so in a moderate manner. I like to exercise, but I'm not sure I like to exercise quite that much!! I have felt like I've been having to kill myself with exercising so much, b/c I've been going a bit overboard. Probably not the smartest thing to be doing, especially with it being the beginning of summer!

Reflections

2011-05-24T07:37:00.002-05:00

I guess I've been in a bit of a"reflectory" mood lately, b/c Sunday and Monday, I pulled out the 'ol journals that I've kept pre-blog/internet. On a side-note, with blogging, I do kind of miss having the hard-back "book" to look through. Before I had my Blogger account, I had a Xanga account, but I didn't talk about my food/weight issues. It was more of just general stuff, nothing too serious. But I didn't really write in my journals as much; every so often when I felt like I couldn't write my true feelings for everyone. I was reading the journals that I kept just after I graduated from college, and my 1st and 2nd year of teaching, when I was about 23-24 years old (I'm not 32). It amazes me how bad of a place I was in. I was in a constant state of "binge-and-regret," even more so than I am now. My attitude and feelings were horrible, and it sometimes doesn't even sound like me. Reading those pages did make me realize that I have grown from where I was at during that time. I don't binge to the extreme and eat unhealthy as much as I used to. That being said, there are still a lot of moments where I don't make the best choices in what I eat. I still do over-eat excessively, not binging, but still it's a really good way to gain weight by doing so. I was so unbelievably unhappy, and I couldn't seem to get myself out of the place where I was at. I'm such an analytical person, trying to understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. It seems rather funny, b/c I was in an ever worse state than I am now weight-wise, career-wise, but yet I still have the same feelings that I did back then. I still have the same emotional issues and feelings. I have often struggled with depression and all the other feelings that go with it, and these last few months have been a bit of a battle for me.
I keep going back to really my life isn't all that bad. I should be very grateful for what I do have. My good friend's sister is an abusive marriage and hasn't been able to see her sister and her niece and nephew for almost 4 years now, b/c of her husband. There were tornado victims in Joplin, MO that have lost absolutely everything. I have a good-paying job, a family, a place to live. I'm even at a somewhat decent weight. And most of all, I have my salvation. I should be grateful/joyful that I have all that. But it's all too easy to dwell on our circumstances. I've become to realize that I'm a very selfish person, b/c I do seem to dwell a lot on my "self." When I get down in my "place," it's really hard to get back up to the top, b/c I'm drowning in myself. Satan has me in it's catches, and his hold is strong enough to keep me in the bottom-place.
On another side-note, I had been seeing a guy I had met back in March up, and on Sunday, broke up with him. It was a really hard decision for me, b/c he was such a nice guy, and he really liked me a lot! But he just wasn't the right guy for me, even though we got along so well. He was totally blind-sided by it, and had no idea it was coming, which is another reason why I feel bad for it! He lives an hour away, so I had actually sent an email to him (I know a bit cowardice!). He sent me a reply email on Sunday, and I've been too afraid to open it! I know he wouldn't be mean or anything. I'm sure just sad and upset.
I've also been thinking a lot on why I was in such a hurry to become a grown-up!! LOL